Shattered Sunlight
by tear of the sun girl
Summary: Arnold gets a job as a personal assistant to a brilliant, and emotionally tormented author. In a house in the middle of nowhere where the sunlight never shines through can love penetrate the darkness?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Shattered Sunlight.**

**Rating: T for teen or Pg-13 because I like to push the limits :)**

**Summary: Arnold gets a job working as an assistant to a famous writer, someone from his past.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hey Arnold or anything affiliated with it I'm just borrowing them for entertainments purposes. No copyright infringement was intended.**

**Author Note: I'M BACK I just won't stay gone just when you thought it was safe to read fanfiction again :) **

* * *

Arnold pulled up infront of the rundown gas station, and looked at his map again for the twentieth time. A young boy came out to begin filling his car, and Arnold got out laying the map on the hood of his beat up old nissan.

"Hey kid, can you help me?" He asked, and the boy approached.

"I can try." The kid must be about 15.

"I'm trying to find 146 mountain road...I was supposed to be there...an hour ago, but these backroad are all a maze."

"146? The witch ladies house?" The kid asked with wide eyes.

"I don't know."

"146 is three miles that way, and this is the nearest building, town is eight miles the other way if I were you mister I'd turn around."

"Why is that?" Arnold asked curious.

"They say the woman that lives in that house is a witch. If you go to that house at night you'll never come back. Nobody has ever even seen her. She's lived there four years, and she's never came out of that house. Never."

"She has to how does she get supplies?" Arnold asked thinking he'd found a weak spot in the boys story.

"She hires assistants to do it for her...but they never last longer then three months. What are you going there for mister?"

"I'm the new assistant." Arnold smiled, and the boy backed away from him like he was crazy.

"Best of luck to you then. You'll need it." He turned, and all but ran back into the gas station.

Arnold got back in his car folding his map, and tossing it onto the seat. He thought about what the boy said as he pulled out onto the road. Superstition that's what it had to be there were no witched not in todays times, and his new boss certainly wasn't one.

Arnold was a smart man he graduated top in his college class, but work was slim, and after six months of not being able to find a job he lost his apartment it was then Phoebe told him about a friend of hers. This friend was the famouse writer H. G Pink. The woman was a literary genius, and had mutiple best sellers, and new york times reviews. She was as good as they got her books were dark angsty romances that women loved. She was looking for a personal assistant, and the pay was plus room, and board in her mansion was included Arnold had no choice, but to accept.

He made a left a little way down the road from the gas station which turned him onto a dirt road that led through a large thick forest on both sides. He stared up at the giant towering trees, and drove slowly up the winding road. After a mile or two the road came to a giant iron gate with a brick wall that was at least eight feet high. He reached out, and pressed a red button on a small call box by the road.

"Yes?" an impatient voice answered.

"I'm Arnold Shortman I'm here to see Miss Pink."

"You're late." The voice said.

"Yes Ma'am." He said softly.

A second later the gates swung open, and he drove inside the gate closed behind him, and the house came into view. It was in a clearing but completely surrounded by the fence, and the woods. The driveway widened infront of the house, and a fountain with Angels sitting on it was in the middle. The house stood tall, and dark towering over everything. He got out, and a few ravens took flight. It was chilly, and dark infront of the house despite the sun, and heat the woods kept it all shaded.

The house was three stories high, and gray brick. Large pillars were infront of the door that looked tiny infront of the house. To the right he could see a small glass room. There were steps leading up to the front door, and a few windows. The house looked cold, and dark, and he had second thoughts for a minute before shaking them away. The house looked way to big for one person to live in, but he decided maybe it was warmer on the inside.

He knocked on the door, and a second later it opened. He could make out the outline of a small female figure, but that was all. He stepped into the entry way. It had white marble floors that were spotless, and a giant white staircase leading up to the second floor it took up almost the entire entry way. The walls were a deep brown color with white trim board. A few black, and white photos of scenery decorated the walls, but just like the outside the house gave off a terrible cold feeling.

"You're late." The woman said it was hard to make her out do to there not being lights on in the room, and it being barely lit outside.

"Yes, I'm sorry I got lost."

"These roads...are hard to navigate, but you'll get used to them in time. They can be dangerous at night so windy, and rough." She turned, and walked further into the house he followed.

"Yeah you're way out here. It must get lonely." He offered.

"I'll show you your rooms, and you can get settled in." She said starting up the stairs he followed her, and a sliver of light breifly illuminated her body.

He saw one slender arm holding a glass of what looked like whiskey. A few strands of gold blonde hair, and a black turtleneck. Her outline of her body was classic hourglass, and she walked with a slight sway of her hips. The kind that made him drool. He wanted to see her face, but instead stayed behind her.

They reached the top of the steps, and she moved down a dark hallway the entire house seemed dark, and depressing. She walked past a large oak door.

"That's my bedroom. Never go in there for any reason. Do you understand?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"My study is the third door on the right at the top of the stairs that's where I'll be most of the time. If the door is all the way closed it means I'm busy so stay out. The rest of the time it will be open a crack you can enter then."

"Yes Ma'am...is it just us here?" He asked.

"Yes, The cook quit, and the gardener...well he refuses to even show up. Is there a problem with that?"

"No, it just seems like a lot of house for one person." He said.

"I used to have a maid, but the house was too depressing for her she left me. I do the cleaning myself now with your help of course."

"Of course."

She stopped at a door, and opened it pushing it open.

"This is your room." She flipped on a switch then immediately backed into the darkness of the hallway. He stepped into his room.

Dark blue carpet, with even darker blue walls, and black furniture. His room was dark, but warm feeling. To the left was a king sized four posted bed with black, and silver bed sets. To his right was a couch, and chair, and television. The room was spacious. Straight across from the door were floor to ceiling windows with dark blue curtains pulled closed, and a desk infront of them. Behind the door was a large cupboard for his clothes. A bathroom was behind the couch, and he could see it was large as well.

"Will this room suit you?" She asked.

"Yes It's very nice thank you."

"I'll leave you to get settled, and see you in the morning then." She said softly turning to leave.

"Wait..."Arnold called to her, and she froze.

"Do you need something?"

"Can you come into the light? Can I see your face?" He asked, and he heard her heavy sigh.

She didn't move right away, and he thought she'd ignored him. Then slowly one leg crossed the doorway. Dark blue jeans clung to endlessly long slender legs. then the other leg. Her hips were rounded just perfect for holding onto. A trim waist, and a smaller busted chest covered in the black turtle neck. She had her head down, her blonde hair a curtain sheilding her face, but her hands were white as a ghost where they held her drink. Slowly she lifted her head. Pale white skin, dark beautiful blue eyes, soft pink full lips. Helga.

"Helga?" His voice croaked out. She didn't say anything just stood there looking at him.

"You're my new boss? You're..."He trailed off.

"H...G...Pink." She said, and now it was obvoius.

"I had no clue." He said.

"I know." She took a drink.

It was Helga Pataki, but not the Helga he once knew this one was cold, and calm. Her blue eyes watching him, but her face giving away no reaction. Almost like being looked at by a statue.

"I can't believe this." He said, and she blinked long dark eyelashes.

"Do you want to quit?" She asked her jaw set in a stuborn line.

"No, No." He couldn't he didn't have anything else.

"Then I'll let you unpack, and see you in the morning eight o'clock sharp I want you in my study. Get your own breakfast, and feel free to do as you please tonight. I'll be in my room." She turned, and exited his room closing the door behind her.

Helga Pataki was his new boss, and he was living with her. Life had a sense of humor after all. Arnold looked at the room again. This house was like a tomb dark, cold, and empty. How did she live here alone for so long? He took a deep breath before deciding to make the most of the bad situation. A lot had changed since he saw her last, and maybe she wouldn't be the bully he remembered after all she was a famous author now. She had everything she ever wanted. She had everything she ever wanted, but he still got a sense of loneliness when he looked at her or maybe that was the empty house playing tricks on him. A witch indeed. Helga was not a witch, and he felt silly for almost believing the rumor.

He shook his head, and exited his room heading towards the stairs to get his things from the car. He froze outside her bedroom door, and heard a soft noise. It took him a minute to realize what it was it was crying Helga was in her room crying. His hand shot out to the door knob, but he froze she told him to stay out of her room, and he'd respect her privacy. He stood there a minute longer listening to the muffled sobs, before making his way down the stairs this was definitely not what he expected.


	2. Chapter 2

Arnold didn't sleep all night he tossed, and turned in the giant bed. Helga Pataki was his new employer it seemed like some kind of sick joke. She had tormented him from pre-school up until they graduated high-school, and he walked away from her, that town, and that school. He never thought he would see her again much less move in with her, and work for her. He couldn't leave he didn't have anything to go back too.

The room she had given him was comfortable, and without a doubt the nicest room he had seen in the house so far. The rest of the rooms were cold, and hard just like Helga had always been. A witch the people in town thought she was a witch. He shook his head he knew that much was stupid superstition, but Helga could be cruel.

He got up at around seven, and pulled on his old faded blue jeans with a dark blue t-shirt before spalshing cold water on his face in an attempt to wake up. He sighed, and moved barefoot out of his room, and down the hall way. His feet hit the cold hard stairs as he moved toward where he hoped the kitchen was.

He stepped into a huge kitchen. There were white floors, and gray walls, White, and gray marble counter tops, and white cabinets with black appliances. Just like the rest of the house it was cold. He was digging in the fridge when he heard her footsteps approach.

He turned to see her step into the kitchen, she looked surprised to see him. She was wearing a silk nightgown that fell clear to her ankles, and was a soft pink color, it had a matching silk robe that she quickly pulled tight around herself. Her hair was down, and falling in soft waves.

"Good Morning." He said staring at her. She stared back, but didn't reply.

"I was going to get breakfast. Do you want me to make you some?" He offered.

"I usually just have some fruit." She said softly.

"I can make eggs."

"I don't think so." she moved passed him, and grabbed a fruit cup, then dug around in the drawer closest to the fridge for a spoon. She turned, and exited the kitchen heading up the steps.

He watched her go until she was out of sight. Ok, So she wasn't a morning person, or a people person...or a company person. He didn't know why she hired him if she was going to be so cold the entire time. He shut fridge door deciding on cereal for breakfast instead. He sat at the table, and ate his cereal alone.

* * *

After breakfast he wandered up the stairs, and towards the study curoius as to what it looked like inside he opened the door, and crossed the threshold.

THe room had solid wood walls in a deep cherry color with matching floors. To his left was a huge stone fireplace, and a small red love seat. straight across from the door were more floor to ceiling windows with white lace curtains, and a desk. The rest of the room was made up of floor to ceiling bookshelves.

He moved further into the room letting the door open behind him, and began looking at the various books on the shelves. Jane Austen, Charlotte, and Emily Bronte' were obviously her favorites he could tell by the well worn paperbacks that they'd been read often. He saw beside them a shelf of her own books. The Locket, Behind the Mask, and Surviving the Rain were her three most famous works, but there were at least eight others.

"You can take one to read if you want." Her voice said from the doorway.

He turned to look at her. She had changed out of her PJs into a dark blue turtleneck, and dark blue jeans her hair was in a loose braid with a few wispy curls loose around her face.

"I might do that. Which one would you reccomend?" He asked looking at all the books.

She moved to beside him looking all over the shelves before pulling one down. She looked at the cover for awhile, and he saw the softness in her eyes. She took a deep breath, and handed it to him.

"This one was my first." She said handing it to him it was a copy of The Locket.

"I can't wait to start it." He said.

She turned, and walked to the desk pouring herself some kind of alcaholic drink, and sitting down at her computer. She began to type, and he stood there watching her. He opened the book, and scanned the first page.

_**Hannah put down her locket today, because today Andrew finally asked Layla on a date.**_

_**It happened between lunch, and English infront of the lockers. In front of Hannahs locker. The boy of her dreams asked out the girl of her nightmares, and all she could do was stand there, and watch. When Hannah got home she put down the locket she'd been carrying for the past twelve years with Andrews pciture in it, and she put down a large piece of her soul with it.**_

"ARNOLD!" Helgas voice snapped him out of his concentration.

"What? I'm sorry Helga."

"I asked if you'd take this list, and please run to town?" She handed the small pink piece of paper over her shoulder without turning around.

"Of course." He grabbed the paper without looking at it.

"Pick up some chinese for dinner to." She said going back to typing, and taking a drink.

He backed out of the room thinking to himself that she was the loneliest person he'd ever seen in his life.

* * *

He drove into the small town that was miles from the house, and parked on main street he walked to the local store that boasted it had everything. He grabbed a basket, and pulled out the tiny pink list to begin his shopping, and wanted to die when he read the first item on the list.

Ten minutes later standing in the womens personal aisle with a few other women who were openly staring at him he decided he officially hated his job, and his boss.

After finishing up in the local store he drove a few blocks until he found a small chinese resturant, and he went inside. He was staring at the menu when the girl behind the register spoke.

"Can I help you sir?" She had red hair, and big green eyes she was around his age maybe a little younger her name tag read Olivia.

"I'm not sure. I'm sorry my boss sent me I don't know what to get." He admitted staring at the menu.

"Where do you work?" She asked with a smile.

"I work for Helga...I mean I work out of town out on at 146 Mountain Road."

"You mean Miss Pataki?" She asked her eyes widening.

"Yes, I'm her new assistant."

"She sends her assistants here for food all the time. I'll bag up the usual." She said sweetly, and he nodded.

"Thank you."

"No problem." She began filling the small cardboard boxes, and he watched with interest.

"So how long have you lived here?" She asked finally closing the last box.

"I just got here yesterday." He replied fishing in his pocket for the money.

"How are you liking your job?" She asked ringing him up.

"Well she sent me on a tampon run at eight o'clock this morning so...I don't care for it too much."

"It's a domination move." Olivia said handing him change.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"Domination move. Women do it all the time sometimes with their boyfriends, sometimes with their assistants. It makes you feel low, and humiliated, but you do it anyway, and that gives them the power...domination move." She put the recipt in his bag.

"Really? You think so?" He asked taking the bag.

"I know so."She said with a smile.

"How?"

"Because I've done it. Almost every woman has." She laughed.

"I'll see you around." He said turning for the door.

"Ok, Bye." He exited the resturant feeling better.

* * *

He drove back to the huge, and still intimidating house, and parked in his previous spot carrying all the bag into the kitchen he placed them on the counter, and went upstairs. The door to the study was open so he walked in she was typing like a maniac.

"Helga I'm back. Do you need anything else?"

"Not right now."

"Ok what time do you want me to get you lunch?"

"I'll skip lunch call me at six, and we'll eat dinner." She said still not turning around she finished her drink, and he wondered how many of those she'd had since he left.

"You shouldn't skip meals..."

"Get out now." She said in a harsh tone.

He moved out of the room closing the door softly behind him. He went into his own room, and began to unpack. Helga was definitely the most lonely person he'd ever mat, but she was cold too. Everything she said, and did had an icy chill to it like she was going through the motions, but not actually living them. He finished unpacking, and went downstairs to read some more in the book she's lent him.

At six O'clock Arnold knew two things One Helga was an amazing writer, and Two he hated the characters of Andrew, and Layla. Hannah was a bright, funny sensitive girl with an obsessed crush on Andrew who had a crush on Layla. Hannah had often helped Andrew with his problems, and yet he never saw the real her.

_**Hannah lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, Her parents were fighting again. Sometimes she wanted to run away, and never come home. Sometimes she wanted to kill herself, but then she'd remember all the little things that kept her going. Andrew would smile at her, or say a kind word, and suddenly the sun broke through the clouds, and she could live again.**_

"Is it time for dinner?" Helgas voice snapped him from his reading, and he set the book aside.

"Yes, sit down I'll get it." He motioned to the table, and she went the opposite way.

"I'll get some wine." She said.

He shook his head, and set out the containers of food, as well as two black ceramic plates, and silverware. She returned with two wine glasses, and a bottle of wine. She opened it, and filled both glasses.

"I read more of the book." He said sitting down across from her.

"Yeah?" She took a bite of food.

"I love it. You're so talented, and the character Hannah...I really fell for her...I just can't believe it." He took a bite.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoy it." She said bitterly taking a drink.

"I love it. I just don't get Andrew. How can he not see? How can he not love her?"

She put her fork down on her plate, and stood with a sigh.

"Yeah well, I have a lot of writing to do so I'm going to just finish this upstairs." She said lifting her wine glass as well.

"Oh...ok then." He watched her leave, and resigned himself to another meal alone.

* * *

After eating, and cleaning up the kitchen he made his way up the stairs. He stopped at the top of the stairs, and could hear the clicking of the keys on her computer as well as see the light under the door. He moved to the door pushing it open a little her looked inside.

She had a single lamp on her desk on, and was typing away. Every few seconds she would take a bite of food or another drink of wine, before going back to typing. He pulled the door closed, and headed to his room.

He showered, and tried to lose himself in some television before deciding to finally sleep. He woke up at one o'clock. At first he didn't know what woke him up, but then decided a drink of water is what he needed. He was walking down the hall way when he saw the light was still on in the study, but it was dead quiet.

He pushed open the door, and moved into the room. Helga was sitting at her desk one arm infront of her computer, and her head was down she was fast asleep. As he moved closer he saw the empty plate of food, and the empty bottle of wine from dinner. He shook his head, and debated leaving her there. Finally, He pushed her chair back, and lifted her bridal style into his arms.

She weighed practically nothing she was so light, and small. He carried her to her room, and was able to open her door. He knew he wasn't supposed to be in there so he left the light off, and forced himself not to look at anything. He pulled back the blankets in her bed, and laid her down before pulling the blankets back up around her. He pulled her bedroom door shut, and moved into the study. When shutting off the light he glanced at her computer screen.

_**THE RETURN.**_

_**Hannah stared at Andrew after all these years he still looked the same, and despite her earlier convictions she felt the same. Maybe, he was trying to kill her, maybe that was why he came back.**_

Arnold switched off the light, and moved back to his own room deciding to skip a drink. He crawled into his bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

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**If you read this Leave a review! **


	3. Chapter 3

Arnold was sitting at the kitchen table when Helga came down the stairs the next morning. She was in the clothes from the day before, but her hair had came down in wild curls. She looked tired. He quickly stood pulling back a chair for her.

"Here sit. I got you some aspirin, and I made you a good breakfast."

"How did I get in my room?" She asked in a cold voice.

"I carried you."

"What was the one rule Arnold?"

"Come on Helga. I didn't even look at your room I promise." He motioned for her to sit down.

She stared at the table he had prepared. Pancakes, Eggs, Bacon, Toast, and Orange juice decorted the table as well as some of the pink roses she had planted outside. Her stomach growled.

"I'm not hungry." She said stubornly.

"Come on Helga. You haven't eaten hardly anything." He motioned to the table again.

"I said I'm not hungry, and if you ever come into my room again you'll be fired do you understand?"

"I couldn't let you just sleep in your office on your desk."

"Yes you could have. I've done it before, and I'll do it again so you keep you hands to yourself."

"Why did you hire me if you weren't going to let me help you?"

"If you want to help me stay out of my business."

She turned, and left not bothering to even glance at his breakfast again. He waited for her to come back, but a few seconds later he heard the shower above him start and he knew she wasn't coming back down. He ate a little bit of breakfast, and cleaned up the table. After putting it off for awhile he went upstairs. She was in her study typing again. He knocked softly on the open door and stepped inside.

"I'm sorry I invaded your privacy."

"Don't do it again." She said softly.

"I won't. Do you need anything done today?"

"Go get the mail downtown. They hold it to be picked up once a week it's over due. The keys for the box are on the hook by the door."

"Ok. Anything else?"

"No." She didn't turn around to face him even once and he knew it was her way of showing that she was done with conversation.

He drug himself down the stairs to his car once again and climbed inside. The drive to town was only a couple miles not nearly long enough for the amount of thinking he needed to do while driving. Helga was a mystery to him even after all these years. He had tried to peel away some of the mystery as a child, but she had closed off even tighter. Now, She was completely cold, and there was no getting in this time.

He pulled up infront of the post office, and saw the pay phone out front. His cell phone got next to no service so he dug out some change to call Gerald.

"Hello?"Gerald sounded distracted when he answered so Arnold got right to the point.

"Helga? Really?"

"Arnold man hey."

"Gerald why didn't you, and Phoebe tell me it was Helga?"

"Because we knew you wouldn't even try." Gerald said with a sigh, and Arnold heard movement.

"Hey man, Are you busy? You seem distracted."

"Uh yeah I'm...a little...busy." Gerald admitted.

"Sorry I'll just let you go then." Arnold said.

"Yeah...Phoebe says hi." Gerald said, and it was then Arnold realized why Gerald sounded distracted.

"Oh Oh...I'm sorry dude. I'll catch you later." Arnold said hanging up.

Gerald, and Phoebe had been dating since high-school, and still could barely keep their hands off each other they had moved in together a year ago, and Arnold was sure Gerald was going to propose soon.

He turned, and headed into the post office. He looked for the right box, and found it right away he was unlocking it when a voice behind him spoke.

"Hey, I thought that was you." Olivia smiled.

"Hey." Arnold stood to face her.

She smiled, and tucked her hair behind her ear she was wearing a pink sweater and light blue jeans clutching a book to her chest Arnold noticed it was a tattered copy of The Locket.

"Do you like that book?" He asked.

"Oh yeah it's my favorite I've read like a million times. The author is so real, and...passionate."

"Did you read any other books by her?"

"Only all of them." She said with a laugh.

"I know her."

"Really? I would kill to meet her. Do you think I could?" She bit her lip looking at him with hopeful eyes.

"I'll see what I can do." He promised.

"Ok...here's my number...call me?" She asked handing him a slip of paper.

"I will. I have to get back to work." He said glancing at his watch.

"Ok. Bye." She waved as he stepped back out onto the street.

He drove back to the house feeling very much like a prisoner returning back to his cell after time out. He parked infront of the fountain. Helga was sitting on the steps leading to the front door. Her feet were bare, and she had a drink in one hand, a cigarette in the other.

"What took you so long?" She asked taking a drag. He swallowed past the lump in his throat he didn't know smoking could be that sexy.

Her hair was down in crazy waves all around her face, and shoulders. She had on a simple black tanktop, and dark blue jeans making her look even taller, and skinnier than she really was.

"I'm sorry I bumped into someone." He said climbing out of the car.

"So you were socializing?" She took a drink as he walked towards her there was pure fire in thsoe blue eyes.

"I was just talking to a friend." He said handing her the mail when he was close. She stared up at him with pure hatred before taking the mail roughly from him, and standing.

When she stood he saw a flash of creamy white skin just above her pants. She was tall, and skinny Arnold was at least six feet, and Helga was only a few inches shorter. She glared at him. Then blew smoke in his face before tossing the cigarette aside.

"Next time socialize on your own time. Not mine." She said in a dark tone.

He swallowed, but couldn't reply with her standing that close. She walked up the stairs into the house, and he couldn't help checking out her body as she went inside. The way she walked drove him crazy. The way she pushed his buttons, and dominated him drove him even crazier he wanted to tip the tables on her. He wanted to show her what it was like to be dominated, but he didn't.

He went into the house, and Helga was already out of sight. He figured she was in her office working like usual. She was so cold, and distant. He walked up the stairs, and knocked on her office door it was slightly open so he stepped inside.

"What would you like me to make for dinner tonight?"

"I don't care." She replied opening another envelope from her mail.

"Fine then." He said turning he left closing the door behind him.

He spent the rest of the day cleaning, and cooking her dinner, but she never came down. He gave up waiting at around nine, and went upstairs to check on her only to find her once again passed out at her desk. He sighed lifting her into his arms again this time he laid her down on the small love seat. He ran to his own room bringing the blanket from his bed he covered her up. He walked over to close the screen on her computer, and once again glanced at what was written.

_**Hannah hated Andrew, She hated the way he made her feel. She hated the way he smiled, and her knees went weak. She hated the way he looked at her, and she hated the way he talked to her. Hannah hated Andrew, but she could only hate him so much before that hatred turned against herself because in reality he was more than just a guy. He was a part of her, and a part of her life. She could sooner give up oxygen. She couldn't hate Andrew so she hated herself. She tried to kill the parts of her that were him, but all she was really doing was killing herself.**_

* * *

_**Authors Note: I had a reviewer ask if this was a take on the movie Misery, and I wanted to address that as well as clarify that. It is NOT at least not intentionally. This story is just me trying to show how writing is more than putting words on paper...it's so much more. Everything everyone has ever written be it a story, a novel, or a fanfiction it's a piece of you. It's you story it's your thoughts, and feelings bared for all to read. Some of the best writers were the most tormented people, and it's that torment that sometimes makes you brilliant. You put that torment into words so others can feel it, and when put together successfully it's beautiful. So this is NOT a take on Misery merely me showing you the dark side of a person. A person in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way so she writes because through writing she can be honest, she can be real.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Arnold woke up at seven o'clock the next morning, and the first thing he did was went to check on Helga. She was still sleeping soundly on the loveseat. He pulled the blanket back up around her, and fed the small fire in the fireplace to fight off the morning chill before going downstairs to make breakfast.

As he chopped onions for an omlete he began to think about how easy it was transefering her sleeping body from place to place. Arnold had a decent enough build, but the fact was Helga barely weighed more than a minute, and it was no surprise why. She barely ate anything. It seemed all she did was drink, smoke, and write. That was going to stop today she could scream, and fight him all she wanted, but she was going to eat something.

He arranged breakfast on a small wodden tray, and took it upstairs to find her still asleep in the study. He sat the tray down on a nearby table before moving to wake her up.

"Helga, I made breakfast." He said shaking her.

"Go away." She mumbled.

"Come on. Eat." He pulled the blanket off of her body tossing it aside.

"I don't want breakfast." She said sitting up.

"Too bad. I made it, and you're going to eat it." He said in a stern voice.

Her eyes flashed with pure defiance, before she stood, and pushed past him.

"I'll just get to work." She said her head held high.

"Helga..."He grabbed her arm as a reflex.

"Take your hands off of me." She said through clenched teeth she tried to tear her arm loose, but he held on.

"Helga...you have to eat something." He said, and she pulled on her arm again he tightened his grip.

"Let go of me." She again.

"Not until you eat." He said dragging her back to the love seat.

She squirmed, and tried to pull free of his grasp, but he held on to the point her arm began to ache. He pushed her down onto the love seat then let go to turn, and get the tray. When his back was turned she surged to her feet prepared to storm from the room. He turned around, and collided with her dumping the contents of the tray all over both of them. Her shirt was soaked, and she was mad.

"YOU IDIOT!" She yelled.

"I'M SORRY! IF YOU DIDN'T BEHAVE LIKE A FIVE YEAR OLD THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN!" He yelled back.

"DON'T YOU DARE BLAME THIS ON ME!" She yelled pointing at him.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT! JUST EAT SOMETHING!" He yelled back.

"I'M AN ADULT I'LL EAT WHEN I WANT, AND NOT BEFORE!"

"YOU'RE SO IMMATURE!" He yelled tossing the tray aside.

"I HATE YOU!" She yelled louder than anything she had screamed at him this far.

"GOOD! I hate you too Helga...I HATE YOU!" He yelled the last part for effect.

"You're nothing, but a thorn in my side, and after I gave you a job when you had nothing." She said in a low voice.

"I'm a thorn in your side?"

"Yes, and you'd be in the streets if not for me. You'd be NOTHING without me...You are NOTHING." She said with pure venom.

"I'd rather be in the streets. I hate being in this house with you. I can't stand being here. You drive me crazy, and this house is like a prison I hate every square inch of it." He said motioning around the room.

"Than leave Arnold. Your legs aren't broken. Leave." She said raising an eyebrow daring him to leave.

He sighed running a hand through his hair. He turned, and picked up the tray he motioned to the mess on the floor, and on the loveseat.

"I'll clean this up." He said softly.

"You're weak." She said it as a statement not an insult.

"That's better than what you are." He said back.

"Oh yeah? What's wrong with me? I'm a millionaire, I have fans, a beautiful house. What's wrong with me?" She asked crossing her arms.

"Nothing." He said with a sigh.

"That's what I thought."She moved past him with a cold stiffness. He let her brush past him this time resisting the urge to grab her, and shake her until his anger went away.

* * *

He spent at least twenty minutes cleaning her office until every single trace of what had happened was gone. Then he went to his own room, and changed his clothes. When he came out of his bedroom Helga was standing in the hall way leaning against the wall. Her hair was gold falling down across her shoulders. She was wearing loose tan pants, and a black tantop.

"I'm not going to have you treating me like this in my own house." She said stubornly.

"I just don't understand what you want me to do. You won't eat or barely leave your office."

"I'm writing...when I write I..."She bit her lip, but didnt' finish.

"What?" He pressed.

"Forget it I don't expect you to understand." She said turning to leave.

"Try me...just tell me...let me in." He begged. She froze, and slowly turned to face him tucking her hands in her back pockets.

"When I write...it takes the pain away. Writing it all I have...it's who I am." She said sadly.

"No it's not." He said shaking his head.

"Yes it is." She said with a sadness in her eyes.

"It might be a part of you, but it's not all of you." He said.

She looked at him, and he saw tears in her eyes. She chewed on her bottom lip. He wanted to copy the action, and chew on her lips to, but he didn't. Her eyes looked twice as blue with the tears in them. She shrugged, and looked away taking a deep breath.

"I'm a writer...you're my assistant...if you make lunch...I'll come down." She said finally.

"Ok then." He agreed.

She turned to go, and he admired her shape as she walked away. She was so thin he knew he could easily wrap his arms around her twice. She was so skinny, and tall. The tan pants made her legs look long, and while they were baggy they were tight in just the right places. She turned back to him.

"If you want to use the phone. You can." She said before disappearing into her office yet again.

He moved downstairs, and found a living room that looked anything, but lived in. Silver walls, and a deep red carpet with all black furniture. He shook his head another cold looking room. He grabbed a phone, and dialed the number to reach Gerald

"Hello?"

"Gerald. Hey man are you...uh...still busy?" Arnold asked.

"No man. How are things?" Gerald asked.

"How do you think?" Arnold asked sitting down on the couch.

"That bad?"

"She's driving me crazy Gerald...I hate her." Arnold said honestly.

"Come on man I know you don't hate her."

"Sometimes I want to his her Gerald. I want to pin her down, and hurt her, I want to grab that blonde hair, and slam her down on the floor, and..." Gerald interrupted him.

"Yeah that sounds like hate to me." Gerald said sarcastically.

"I'm seroius."

"I know you are...but do you want to hurt her? Or sleep with her?" Gerald asked.

"Maybe both." Arnold said with a laugh.

"Hey hey, Hate sex...is the best there is." Gerald said.

"I'm not going to have sex with her Gerald...geez...I might tear her apart if I touch her..."Arold said running a hand through his hair.

"Well just give it some time...ok? She's not that bad." Gerald said honestly.

"I met someone." Arnold said.

"Oh yeah? who?"

"A girl in town her name is Olivia."

"That's great man. Really I know how hard it's been for you with no work, and I know she might be hard to work for, but Helga...it was nice of her to give you the job." Gerald said.

"Why are you such a fan of Helga all of a sudden?" Arnold asked.

"I spent some time with her, and Phoebe...I read her books, and I'm not blind man." Gerald said.

"What do you mean?" Arnold asked.

"Have you read her books?" Gerald asked.

"I just started the locket...it's pretty good, very emotional." Arnold admitted.

"Yeah, it is good. It's emotional, it's raw...it's real...just finish it." Gerald said.

"OK I will." Arnold promised.

"Ok...I gotta go, but I will talk to you later man." Gerald said.

"Alright man talk to you later."

"Yep, and Arnold?"

"Yeah?"

"If you want to dominate her...do it...push back...let go. Just do it." Gerald said before hanging up.

Arnold sighed hanging up the phone. He looked around the room, and glanced at his watch he had awhile before he had to get Helga lunch so. He tidied upthe living room, and then went to retrieve his copy of The Locket. He sat down on the couch, and began to read, and slowly the hours ticked by. When one o'clock rolled around He finally tore him self out of the pages of the book. Andrew was leaving for college, and Hannah was trying to build up the nerve to tell him how she felt.

_**He smiled, and accepted his high school diploma. He looked beautiful, and Hannah barely heard them announcing her achievements. They didn't matter not to her parents or to her The only thing in her life that mattered, was leaving for college soon, and he barely knew she existed. She walked up onto the stage to accept my diploma, and Andrew clapped for her. It was like he was slapping her with every noise it hurt. She wanted to toss the diploma aside, and kiss him until he couldn't have any doubts about how she felt. She wanted to feel him, but She didn't. She walked down off the stage alone with no family to hug, and fuss over her. Andrew had a large family of uncles, and aunts that weren't really blood related, but loved him just the same. She stood alone, and heard someone calling her name. "HANNAH!" She looked, and her heart sank, and flipped at once. Andrew was waving her over. She moved towards him slowly her feet feeling like lead, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to run towards him or away from him, but suddenly it didn't matter because I was standing a few inches infront of him. "Congratulations Hannah. You did great" Andrew embraced her in a tight hug. She didn't hug him back, She didn't have the nerve so She just stood there with her arms at her side, her heart thundering loud in her ears. His arms held her so tight she thought he was never going to let her go. One hand threaded through her hair his other one tight on her waist. Tears pricked her eyes. This was her chance to tell him how She felt. she could tell him right now, but she was a coward. **_

* * *

Arnold was slowly chopping up tomatoes for in a salad still thinking about the book he was reading at least 20 minutes later. Hannah was such a deep complex character he didn't know how Andrew didn't notice her. He slid all the ingrediants into a bowl, and placed it on the small table before going to get Helga. As always she was hard at work. He knocked before stepping into the room.

"Helga, lunch is ready." He said softly.

"Ok." To his surprise she pushed away from her desk closing the computer lid.

She stood, and walked towards him, and he was even more surprised at the way his arms seemed to ache to hold her. It was nearly uncontrolable.

"What are we having?" She asked as they started down the stairs.

"Salad...is that ok?" He asked following her down the steps.

"Yeah, with some wine it should be fine." She said as she stepped off the last step.

"Helga, Maybe you should slow down with the alcahol." He said softly.

"Maybe, you should do your job, and not worry about it." She shot back.

They moved into the kitchen, and he sat down while she drug out some wine, and poured them both a glass. He watched her take a sip, and wondered what she was trying to kill with the alcahol.

"This looks good." She said honestly as she sat down.

"Thank you." He said serving her a plate.

They ate in an awkward silence after what had happened that morning, but at least Helga was finally eating something.

"Helga?" He spoke first.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever met any of your fans? You don't do book signings do you?"

"No, I don't do them. No I never met a fan I get letters, but that's all." She said softly.

"When was the last time you left this house?" He asked afraid of the answer.

"Five years." She said taking a sip of wine.

"Why?" Arnold asked, and she shrugged.

"I don't know."

"Do you know what people are saying about you in town?" He asked.

"Yeah I know. I just figure at least they leave me alone." She said softly.

"Helga, Don't you ever get lonely?"

"No, I spent my whole life alone...that's all I know how to be." She admitted, and he instantly felt sorry for her.

"Would you do something for me if I asked?"

"Maybe." She put down her fork, and sat back to look at him.

"Would you come into town with me?" He asked.

"No." She stood preparing to leave.

"Helga..please.."

"No." Her voice was stern, and he knew there was no negotiating.

"Ok. ok...what do you want for supper?" He asked with a sigh.

"I don't care." She turned, and left taking her wine with her, but her salad was cleaned up, and he counted that as a small victory.

* * *

Helga reached the top of the steps, and finished off her wine. She shook her head with a heavy sigh. She went into her office, and this time she closed the door all the way. She sat down at her desk, and glanced at the phone before picking it up to call Phoebe.

"Hello?" The sweet voice rang on the other end.

"I'm dying here." Helga announced.

"Helga?"

"oh course who else would it be?" Helga asked.

"You're not dying." Phoebe said making Helga feel like she was being dramatic.

"It's so much harder than I ever thought it'd be." She admitted sitting down in her chair, and resting her forehead on her hand.

"I know it's hard, but you can do this." Phoebe said gently.

"What if I can't do it?" Helga asked her voice breaking.

"Helga, You know what Dr. Bliss said. You need this. You need closure, and healing or you'll never move on...just give it time." Phoebe said.

"I just feel so violated, and out of control." Helga said choking on a sob.

"Helga, after what happened...after what you did...It was very clear that you never came to terms with Arnold, and your feelings. Facing him is the best thing for you. I promise."

"I just I'm happy in my life I like it." Helga said.

"Helga, You won't let anyone in anymore. You barely leave your house. I know it hurt that he left, but you never even told him how you felt." Phoebe pointed out.

"I know..." Helga took a deep breath, and pushed her hair back with one hand.

"Just try, and call me if you need me." Phoebe said.

"Ok...I can do this." Helga said softly.

"Yes, You can."

"Bye Pheebs."

"Bye Helga."

Helga hung up the phone, and leaned back in her chair. After Arnold left for college she'd had a rough time. She had continued to see Dr. Bliss until she was twenty one, and then her writing took off, and she moved here. Dr. Bliss told Helga the only way to fully get over Arnold was to face him, but Helga kept running because that's all she was good at. Then this opportunity came up, and she decided to face her demons.

* * *

Arnold was reading more in the book Helga gave him. He couldn't put it down it seemed like it called to him in some weird way.

_**Hannah stared at her ceiling, Andrew had been gone for three months now. He was off at college his life was just beginning, and when his started hers ended. She didn't bump into him in the streets anymore, she didn't pass his house and see him washing his car. Her life was empty. She felt like she was drowning in her sorrow, and sometimes she wished she would. The pain was eating her up inside, and she couldn't take it anymore. She moved into her bathroom, and picked up the razorblade. She didn't care about anyone, but Andrew anymore, and even that was gone. She looked at the razorblade dug it in, and slid it across her wrist. She didn't feel the pain, but she felt the warmth from her blood as it ran down her arm. She repeated the action two more times before she grew dizzy. The blade slid from her fingers, and she swayed on her feet her vision went dark, and she collapsed onto the floor, and for one brief moment she thought she could feel Andrews arms around her.**_

Arnold snapped the book shut, and set it aside. The words in that book broke his heart, and he almost didn't want to finish it. A love that strong, and that extraordinary had to be a gift. He couldn't even begin to imagine what that might be like.

He moved into the kitchen to start preparing supper deciding on spaghetti. He boiled the noodles, and heated the sauce all the while thinking of the desperation it would take for Hannah to kill herself over Andrew, and Arnold decided the boy was even dumber than he thought. Then he remembered they were fake characters, and felt silly for being so invested in their lives.

Once again Helga surprised him by coming down to eat with him, but once again she had to have a glass of wine of two. He was going to comment again on her drinking, but decided not to.

"Helga?" He asked.

"Yeah?" She didn't look up from her food.

"You're book...it's amazing." He said softly.

"Thank you." She took a sip of wine.

The stillness, and quiet in the house was nearly unbarable. The room was dark except for the candles he had lit on the small table casting her in a soft glow, that made her beautiful, and haunting at the same time.

"I mean it. Hannah is so complex...when she slit her wirsts...it was so moving."

"Thank you I try to be real." She said softly.

"It's amazing." He told her honestly.

"Do you have it now?" She asked.

"Here? Yeah actually. "He reached to the chair beside him, and produced the book handing it to her.

She took the book in her hands, and looked at it he gaze softening, and he saw a sweet vulnerbility in the look. She touched it gently as if it were the most precious thing she owned. She opened it and sighed.

"This is a first edition." She said softly.

"Oh." He smiled.

She grabbed a pen from the counter, and quickly scrawled inside it before handing it back to him with a small sad smile.

"Keep it." She said gently.

"Oh no Helga I couldn't."

"Yes you can. I want you too. I have other copies." She said softly finishing her wine.

"Thank you."

I'm going to bed. I'm going to call it an early night."She stood, and so did he.

"Goodnight Arnold." She said softly.

"Goodnight." He replied.

She turned, and like a ghost she seemed to vanish. He waited a second before opening the book to where she signed it.

**Arnold, Enjoy the book, Enjoy Life. Love, Helga.**

He smiled she had signed it as Helga not H.G. Pink. He liked that it was kind of a secret between them that she was the author. It made her real signature that much more precious to him. That night as he retired to his room he passed his door, and once again he heard the soft sobs coming from her room. He debated knocking, but didn't going to his own room he shut the door collapsing onto the bed. That night had vivid dreams of a demanding blonde finally being dominated, and loving every minute.

* * *

**Leave a review people! **


	5. Chapter 5

When Arnold woke up he realized he had slept in, and it was already after ten in the morning. He jumped out of the bed, and grabbed jeans pulling them on over his boxers. He didn't bother to brush his hair, or pull a shirt on over the under shirt he was wearing.

He rushed into the hall way, and down the marble staircase. The marble was cold, and hard under his feet. He rounded a corner into the kitchen Helga was just cleaning up the table. She stopped to look at him.

"Helga...I'm sorry." He said.

"I made my own breakfast...if you're not going to pull your weight there's no point in you being here." She said coldly.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened I slept in." He said.

"Whatever. Clean up this mess." She tossed a napkin onto the table, and brushed past him.

He sighed, and then moved to being cleaning up the small table. He could see she had cerealy for breakfast, and a bowl of fruit. He had started to break through her walls last night, and today she built them back up.

* * *

Helga moved into the small glass room that was near the back of the house. The entire room was glass all three walls, and a glass ceiling. She looked up, and saw a few small raindrops splatter onto the ceiling.

To her right was a small whit couch with gray pillows. The floor was white, and black marble. a few plants were scattered around. This was her sanctuary. Her thinking spot, she could heal her.

The rain picked up a little more, and she moved towards one of the large window panes. She placed her hand on the glass then leaned forward pressing her forehead against the cool glass. She listened to the rain tap lightly. There was thunder in the distance.

She felt the thunder roll inside her body, and felt the rain wash her clean even though she was inside. She just wanted to be clean. A tear rolled down her cheek the same as the one rolling down the window pane. She would give anything to feel clean.

* * *

Arnold finished cleaning, and began searching for Helga he checked the study, and the livingroom. He approached the glass room, and pushed open the door. Helga jumped away from the window to the right, and wipe her eyes turning away from him.

"I'm sorry I was late. I cleaned everything up." He said gently.

"Ok." She didn't turn around when she spoke.

"It looks like it's going to storm."He pointed out.

"Yeah I see that."She said.

"Maybe, you should come into the house." He said said.

"I'm taking the day off of writing. I'll be in here almost all day if you need me." She said.

"Helga..."

"Call me for lunch." She said interrupting him.

He sighed, and slowly backed out of the room closing the door gently behind him.

Helga collapsed onto the small couch staring up at the ceiling watching the raindrops race across the glass. She blinked back some tears, but some got by rolling down her cheeks, and dripping into her hair. She laid there listening to the storm grow closer slowly singing her to sleep.

* * *

Arnold checked on Helga periodically through out the day as the storm outside raged on. He worried about the entire glass room in which she had tucked herself away in. When he took her lunch she was sitting on the same couch reading a book.

"What are you ready?" He asked setting the tray of food on her lap.

"Wuthering Heights." She replied withot taking her gaze away from the pages.

"Do you like the classics?" He asked.

"What's not to like. They were deep, and romantic, and passionate. Everyone didn't have to be having sex for you to know they were in love. It was pure, and...perfect." She said.

"Your books are romantic, and deep too." He pointed out, and she shrugged.

"Maybe, I don't read them." She said honestly.

"Well, trust me they are amazing." He said softly.

"Thank you." She put the book down, and began picking apart the BLT sandwich he had brought her.

"I'll be back in awhile I'm going to do some laundry." He said leaving her alone in the room again.

* * *

He did all the laundry for the day slightly emberassed to be handling her intimates, but slightly amused they all were pink. Some had frilly lace, some had animal prints, but they all had pink.

That was Helga. He threw the last load of clothes into the washer, and then moved upstairs. He found her in the same room still reading her sandwich had been picked into a million pieces, but was barely touched.

"I'm running into town." He said gently.

"I'll alert the media." She said dryly.

"Do you want to go with me?" He offered, and she gave him a pointed look.

"No." She said sternly.

"Ok, I'll just be a few minutes." He said leaving her alone.

He ran to his car getting completely drenched in the downpour. He pulled out of the driveway instantly regretting this trip into town. The roads were wet, and even with the wipers on high it was nearly impossible to see. The thunder cracked above him, and he winced.

He pulled up infront of the general store, and shopped as fast as possible. Grabbing everything he needed he rushed to the checkout he saw a display of beautiful roses by the dozen. He stared a minute or two before grabbing a dozen pink ones. Helga needed someone to buy her flowers. He was standing in line when he hear a familiar voice in line behind him.

"I knew you were to good to be true." Olivia said.

"What do you mean?" Arnold asked.

"The roses...you're married aren't you?" She asked motioning at the flowers.

"No, they're for a friend...she's...sick." He said handing the cashier the money.

"I see...must be nice to be one of your friends." She flirted, and Arnold laughed gathering his bags.

"We're going up right now. The with will never know what hit." A young boy said from the other line, and Arnold forgot about Olivia.

"What did you say?" Arnold asked, and the three boys all looked away each reluctant to answer.

"Nothing Mister." The one boy said.

"No I heard something about a witch. Is there on around here? I'm very interested in witches." Arnold lied, and a smaller boy brightened.

"Sure is. She lives out in the old house out of town. Nobody ever goes in or comes out. She can't get wet or she'll melt...some other guys are going up tonight!" He said excitedly.

Arnold grabbed his bags rushing from the store not bothering to reply to the boys or say goodbye to Olivia.

"Golly he must really be interested in witches." The smaller boy said. Olivia quickly paid for her things, and rushed after him.

* * *

Arnold drove out of town fater than he had drove in. The storm picked up, and his car slid more than once on the terribly roads. He reached the gates, and saw a bunch of young boys run into the woods. He was torn between following them or going to Helga. He parked infront of the house, and ran up the stairs letting his car running, and the door open. He rushed into the house.

"HELGA!" He called har name running down the hallway he slipped on the marble from his wet shoes.

He threw open the door to the glass room, and saw her sitting on the couch clutching her arm. The window facing the driveway was completely shattered, and glass littered the floor, furniture, and Helga. She looked up at him, and he saw the cuts on her face. She was soaking wet from the rain.

She pushed to her feet to walk towards him she placed her feet on the floor, and he stopped her.

"Wait! Wait! Stay there. don't walk on the glass." He said looking at her tiny bare feet.

He moved across the floor the glass crunching under his boots. He reached the couch, and lifted her with ease in his arms. Her arm was bleeding bad enough her clothes were soaked. He turned walking out of the room he carried her to his bedroom.

"I...I... don't know what happened." She said shivering. Her hair was dripping wet.

"Don't worry about it. I'm here now I've got you." He said softly.

He sat down on his bed holding her on his lap he peeled her right hand away from her left arm. She winced, and he copied the action. There were tiny lacerations to the back of her hand, but on her wrist was a long deep cut a shard of glass still sticking in place.

"Ok, Hold pressure on that." He said moving to sit her on his bed.

She nodded, and he rushed to the bathroom digging out a first aid kit, and some towels he ran back into the room. She was shivering like crazy. He wrapped one of the towels around her before pulling her arm down.

"I have to get this glass out." He said, and she nodded.

He pulled out the tweezers, and began to fish glass out of her arm. The blood kept running, and he grew more worried until finally the last piece was out. He wiped her arm down, and then quickly bandaged it. He moved to clean the smaller cuts that marked her face, and other arm. She didn't say a word to him.

"I'm sorry Helga I shouldn't have left you home alone." He said softly.

"It's not your fault." She replied.

"Just lay down, and try to get some sleep." He said lifting her legs he pulled the blanket out from under them, and then covered her.

"I can go to my room." She said stubornly.

"Just get some sleep." He said shaking his head.

"I'm not tired." She pointed out.

"I'll bring you some tea after I clean up the room." He said leaning over her he was so tempted to kiss her.

Her gaurd was down. She was weak, and vulnerable right now would be the perfect time for him to make his move, and show her who was the dominant one. He leaned in closer, and she gazed up at him. The doorbell rang a second later. He sighed glancing at his open door before moving away from the bed, and down the stairs.

* * *

He pulled open the door, and there stood Olivia.

"What are you doing here?" He asked grabbing her arm a little roughly he moved with her out onto the porch.

"I followed you." She said seeming upset with his response.

"You have to leave. Now, right now." He said.

"Why? What's going on?" Olivia asked.

"You just need to leave." He repeated.

"You're bleeding." She said pointing at his shirt.

"No, No...It's a friend...she got cut, I have to go back inside, and you have to leave." He said again.

"Can I come back sometime?" She asked sadly.

"I don't know." He said in a frustrated tone.

"I only wanted to make sure everything was alright. You were acting so strange." Olivia said.

"I'm sorry. I just I have to get back inside." Arnold said motioning at the house.

Olivia nodded before going down the steps to her small green volkswagen, and he watched her drive out of the driveway before rushing to his car. It was still pouring down rain, and by now his car seat was completely soaked. He switched off the engine retrieving his bags, and shutting the door.

* * *

He dropped all the bags on the kitchen counter. Then started some water boiling to make Helga tea. It was when he was reaching for a tea bag he realized he was shaking. She could have been killed tonight. He decided to investigate the glass room while the tea boiled.

He stepped inside, and was greeted with a true mess. It was still raining, and the entire room was soaked broken glass covered everything. He moved to the couch, and saw that it was covered in blood as well as the floor. Her book lay on the floor soaked through, and covered in blood as well. He picked up deciding it was ruined. Infront of the couch lay a brick that he hadn't noticed the first time he was in the room. He leaned down to pick it up, and flipped it over.

_**WITCH LADY! **_was crudelly scrawled into the brick.

He took the brick with him out to his car. He retrieved the roses, and tossed the brick into his back seat. As of right now Helga didn't know how the glass had got broken, and he didn't think she needed to. He went back into the house, and put the roses in a vase setting them on the table before carrying her tea up the stairs.

He opened his door, and saw that despite her claims of not being tired Helga was fast asleep in his bed. The second part of the thought hit him like a tidal wave. Helga was in his bed.

"Helga..."He moved towards his bed shaking her gently.

She didn't even move a little bit. When he was this close he could see the glass fragments still in her hair. He set the tea aside, and began pulling out the pieces of glass.

He hated Helga Pataki for most of his life, but now looking at her the only thing he felt was pity, and an overwhelming to protect her. It was quite a chance from the hatred he felt when she was awake. He knew there was a softer side to Helga. He wished she would show it to him. He finished picking the glass out of her hair, and checked his watch. It wasn't late, but given the circumstances he wouldn't be surprised if she slept all night now.

Deciding to give her his bed for the night he made himself comfortable on the couch in the livingroom. Tomorrow he'd run into town, and get glass panes to replace the broken one, and buy her a new copy of wuthering heights, and maybe tomorrow she'd let him see her softer side.

* * *

**Read and Review! sorry for the wait I'll try, and update more frequently. **


	6. Chapter 6

Helga woke up, and it took her a few minutes to realize she was in one of her guests room. When she pushed herself up she realized why as pain shot up her arm. She glanced down at her bandaged arm with a wince.

She slid out of the bed, and instantly headed downstairs to the glass room. When she pulled open the door Arnold turned around. He was sweeping up the glass on the floor, and other than there being a pane missing the room looked fine.

"Hey, I almost have this all cleaned up." He said.

"Thank you. What happened?" She asked, and he looked away.

"A loose tree branch smashed through. You're lucky you weren't hurt worse." He said

"Did you find my book?" She asked.

"Yeah, but I'm afraid it's ruined. I'm going to run into town, and get another piece of glass to fix this window. I will grab you a copy while I'm there." He said.

"You don't have to do that." She said.

"I want too." He insisted.

"Do you know how to replace a window?" She asked.

"I do actually. I helped Grandpa a few times. Why don't you come into town with me?" He offered.

"No." She backed away slightly.

"Come on Helga."

"No, I'll make lunch though." She offered, and he sighed.

"Alright." He moved around her towards the kitchen to throw away the glass he had cleaned up, and she watched him go. It would be so easy to get used to him being here, but she pushed the thought away. That wasn't happening if she let herself be vulnerable she would just get hurt. She was better alone. He was heading for the door when she spoke.

"Arnold?"

"Yeah?" He turned to face her, and she smiled.

"Thank you." She said softly. He smiled back at her.

"You're welcome." He said before leaving closing the door behind him.

* * *

Helga kept up her end of the deal, and while Arnold was shopping she began planning, and gathering ingrediants to make them lunch. She made small cucumber sandwiches, and a light salad, and on a whim made them some homemade lemonade.

Arnold came back, and went directly in the glass room to work. She waited around two hours before going to get him remembering that neither of them had breakfast.

"Arnold...do you want to come eat?" She asked.

"Yeah, Just a second." He said as he finished measuring the lower part of the window.

She waited until he put the tape measure down, and they walked into the kitchen together. He held her chair for her, and she was briefly brought back to a dinner years ago in a tiny french diner.

"Thank you." She smiled at him, and he reached over to the counter presenting her with a paper bag.

"I brought you this." He said with a smile.

She opened the bag, and pulled out a brand new copy of Wuthering Heights.

"Thank you. You didn't have to do this." She said.

"I wanted to. I know how much you love it."

"I do love it. It's so real, and emotional." She said with a small laugh.

"So are your books." He said.

"I don't know about that." She said with a sigh setting her new book aside, and digging into her salad.

"No they are. They're amazing. So real, and emotional. Can I ask you something?" He looked nervous, and she shrugged.

"Sure."

"Why don't any of your books have happy endings?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" She asked pretending she didn't know.

"I looked up your other books. They couples never end up together. Why?" He asked.

"Because." She said in a snappy tone. She tossed down her fork, and he could feel her closing up again.

"Because why? There has to be a reason. Come on tell me." He pushed her a little remember what Gerald said to be the dominant one.

"Because I want them to be real, and that's how life goes." She said standing, and taking her plate to the sink.

Arnold could feel his anger start to push at the edges of his niceness. He wanted to snap her in half. He tried to learn about her, and she closed off. It was infuriating.

"Life doesn't always go that way Helga."

"NO?" She turned to face him, but he remained seated.

"No, look at Gerald and Phoebe." He pointed out.

"They are lucky, but not everyone is like them." She said with a shrug.

"How can you write stories about love, and not believe in it?" He asked.

"I do!" She yelled.

"No, you don't...you don't know the first thing about love. You're a hypocrite." He said standing now, and tossing his napking onto the table.

"I'm a hypocrite?"

"Yeah, you write these amazing stories about people who love other people in a way that I've never seen, but you don't know how to love. You don't let anyone in. You don't love anyone Helga..."He said.

"I know EVERYTHING about love." She said gritting her teeth.

"Oh really?"

"Yes!" She screamed, and stormed from the kitchen Arnold followed her. She started up the stairs, and he caught her arm stopping her.

"Ok then tell me...tell me what you know." He said challenging her.

"It's a prison."She said.

"Prison?" He seemed disbelieving.

"Yes, Prison."She pulled her arm loose forcefully.

"Care to elaborate."

"It's holds you captive...it tortures, and torments you. It throws you down, and tears you open until you don't even know how to begin to fix yourself. It breaks you in anyway it can until you're nothing, and nobody you don't even know who you are anymore, and then when you're down, and broken, and have absolutely nothing left...it comes in...and it saves you."

She said the last part with barely a whisper, but he felt the truth, and emotion behind her words. He looked at her standing a step above him. It was only when he was this close to her that he could feel the brokeness that she was hiding.

He did the first thing that came naturally to him he grabbed her head, pulled her down a step and kissed her. Hard, and demanding trying to break her, and show her he was in charge. She pulled back, and slapped him. His head snapped to the side with the force, and the crack was nearly deafening. She stood there glaring at him with pure hatred burning in her eyes. Then she kissed him.

Her lips were an assault on his rough, and hard. His hands moved to grip her hips, her pulled on his shirt. He tried to step closer, and their legs got tangled up sending them both down onto the cold hard stairs her landing beneath him. He tried to pull away, and make sure she was alright, but if anything the rough landing on the steps only added fuel to her fire, and it was then he realized she liked this.

The constant fighting between them, The harsh words, the angry fights it fueled her on. She always had been a rough girl, and that's exactly how he liked. Her lips pressed against his her hands gripping his shoulders. He started to pull away, but she persued. He grabbed a handful of her hair, and couldn't help the noise that escaped. Her hair was soft, and thick, and glided so soft against his fingers. He tightened his hold, and gave a firm tug effectively pulling her lips from his he sunk his teeth into her neck with no thought of being gentle.

"Screw You." She said breathless her vioce full of venom, and he grinned breaking away from her neck his lips going to hers.

"Only if you want to." He said before crushing his mouth back onto hers.

She bit his lip, and he tasted blood. He pulled back, and she shoved him off of her. He landed on the steps with a hard thud. She stood up straightening her shirt she glared down at him with the same look that a person would give to a dog that had bit them.

"I have work to do." She said coldly.

"You've got to be kidding." He said, but she didn't reply. She turned, and went up the stairs into the study, and closed the door behind her. Arnold sat on the stairs completely stunned. The woman burned hot, and cold in a way he'd never seen before.

She was completely confusing, and yet somehow he liked it. He liked their back and forth power play. He liked the fights, and he realized with a sinking realization he really liked the kissing.


	7. Chapter 7

"I don't know what to do Phoebe." Helga cried as soon as her best friend answered the phone.

"What happened now?" Phoebe asked with a heavy sigh.

"We were fighting and he kissed me...I kind of kissed back...one of us fell...and I don't know what to do." Helga said collapsing onto the couch in her office.

"Helga calm down. It's going to be ok." Phoebe said.

"I can't do this. I want him so bad it hurts...but I'm so scared. He could destroy my world so easily." Helga admitted.

"Then throw him out." Phoebe said.

"I can't." Helga said.

"Why?"

"I won't get closure if I keep running." Helga said in an exasperated tone.

"You can do this...I promise."Phoebe said.

"Thanks Pheebs." Helga smiled a little.

"You're welcome." Phoebe hung up, and Helga laid on the couch staring at the ceiling lost in thought.

* * *

Arnold finished the window and stood back to look at his work. You couldn't even tell the window was broken. He glanced at his watch. Helga had been in her office for five hours. He decided he had time to call Gerald before making dinner.

"Hello?" Gerald answered on the second ring.

"Gerald. Hey man." Arnold sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.

"Arnold. How is it going?" Gerald asked casting a wink at Phoebe across the room.

"We kissed, and then...made out on the stairs." Arnold said bluntly.

"That's good." Gerald said with a laugh.

"No it's not I'm even more confused than before." Arnold said miserably.

"You know what I think?" Gerald asked.

"No, what?" Arnold asked with a heavy sigh.

"I think you need to quit beating around the bush with this." Gerald said honestly.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you ever once in your life stand up to Helga? Or tell her to back off?"

"No."

"Exactly...there's so much anger, and passion...it's been a lifetime in the making, and it needs to come out some how." Gerald said and Arnold thought he had a point.

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I am. You need to get it all out and off your chest...you need a real good knock down drag out fight. That's what you both need to move on. Your relationship can't survive without it." Gerald said.

"A knock down drag out fight? I don't think so." Arnold said shaking his head.

"It'd be good for you." Gerald insisted.

"Do you have those with Phoebe?" Arnold asked and Gerald laughed.

"Of course...and the make-up sex...is amazing."

Arnold rolled his eyes. Gerald always did have trouble keeping his mind on subject and out of the gutter. The problem was now that Gerald mentioned it make-up sex sounded pretty amazing, and if the way she responded to him on the stairs were any indication Helga would be no exception.

"I shouldn't be thinking about this." Arnold said with a sigh.

"You're a man...it's natural...besides Helga aint bad looking." Gerald pointed out.

"No, she's not."

"So...take my advice...get it out, and over with." Gerald said.

"I'll think about it. I have to go. Thanks for...whatever you do." Arnold said with a laugh.

"Later man." Gerald hung up.

"So what do you think?" Phoebe asked laying down on the bed next to Gerald after he hung up.

"About what?" He asked playing stupid.

"Arnold, and Helga." She said rolling her eyes.

"I give it a week." Gerald said pulling her close.

"Until what?" She asked suddenly confused.

"Until they either make up...or kill each other." Gerald said kissing her.

"She loves him." Phoebe said when he broke away.

"Mhm..."Gerald peeled her shirt over her head.

"Do you think he loves her?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know...I know I love you...is that helpful?" He asked kissing down her neck.

"Yeah...that's helpful." She said with a laugh.

* * *

Arnold went up the stairs a few hours later to get Helga. He opened the door to her office only to find it empty. He moved to her desk. He didn't want to be nosey, but he couldn't help looking at the open laptop, and the writing on the screen.

_**Hannahs hands begged to touch Andrew as they raced across his chest in a rush. This couldn't be happening. Not to her after so many years of longing,aching, and wanting. Finally, his lips were the ones pressed against hers. He held her like he loved, her and kissed her like he wanted her, but deep inside there was still a fear of rejection. She wanted to taste him, and feel him move, but if he rejected her now he heart could not survive. She trembled in his embrace from both want, and fear. How could you want and fear someone so much at the same time? Hannah didn't know. All she knew was that right now every fantasy she ever had was coming true, and she was terrified.**_

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"Helga yelled storming across the room she slammed the laptop lid closed.

"I'm sorry I came to get you for dinner...it was open...I was curious." He admitted.

"Don't ever go through my laptop again." She said.

"Alright I won't I promse." He said trying to make peace.

"When the book is finished you can buy it like everyone else." She said moving away from the desk.

"Do they finally get together?" Arnold asked.

"Who?"

"Hannah, and Andrew." He motioned at the computer, and her eyes followed.

"I don't know." She said softly, and there was something in her eyes he'd never seen before.

"I hope they do." He offered, and she rolled her eyes.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"It's time for dinner." He said with a sigh as he watched the walls come back in place.

"Ok fine. Lead the way football head." She said.

"What did you call me?" He asked.

"Football head. Why you got a problem with that?" She asked with an attitude that dared him to stop her.

"No." He exited the room grinding his teeth. She drove him crazy.

They walked down the stairs in silence into the kitchen where dinner was set up neatly on the table. This time there were no candles. Arnold was trying to pull back from the intimacy they had been creating.

"What'd you make football head?" She asked moving beside him, and he ground his teeth.

"Stop calling me that." He said clenching his fists.

"What?" She asked, but he knew she was doing it on purpose.

"Why do you like to hurt people?" He asked suddenly. It was a random time to ask, but it was a question that had burned in his brain since the day they had met.

"Becuase I've been hurt." She said simply.

"That's not an excuse."He said.

"Isn't it?" She asked.

"No." He challenged.

"I don't need your approval." She said putting her hands on her hips in a typical Helga stance.

"You're so confusing Helga...you push the people who want to be close away. You keep yourself walled in. Don't you get lonely?" He asked calming down.

"No. I like my privacy." She said.

"I mean emotionally...you're walled in...I try to climb in with you, and instead of helping me..you just make it harder...why?"

"If there's a wall that you can't climb it's because YOU built it." She said.

"I built it?" He asked in complete confusion. He saw the fire burning in her eyes.

"Yeah football head YOU built it. Brick by freaking brick. I tried to...for years I tried, and you built this wall between us...so don't blame me for blocking you out...you locked me in." She said.

He stood there staring at her. He didn't have the faintest idea what she was talking about, but he guess it went back to her thinking love was a prison. She certainly was a passionate person nobody would ever tell him otherwise.

"Helga...whatever I did...I'm sorry." He said.

"You're sorry?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah." He said.

"Sorry...doesn't mean anything to me Arnold...words are cheap." She said sadly with a shrug.

She tried to move past him, and he caught her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving football head." She said with a biting tone.

"No you're not...we're not done here."He said.

"Yeah we are." She said trying to pull free, but he held on.

"No, we're not. I'm so sick of you pushing me around. You're going to stand here, and listen to what I have to say, and for once in your life you're going to listen." He said.

"I'm not listening to anything you have to say football head." She said.

"Go ahead...say it...say it one more time...I dare you." He said through clenched teeth.

She smiled a sick, twisted smile. Like a person who was about to light another on on fire. She leaned in close. So close that he could almost taste her.

"Football head..."She said, and he snapped.

He grabbed her by both shoulder gripping them hard enough he knew she would bruise. He pulled her body against his. Then he kissed her, hard, and demanding. At first he just wanted to shock her, and get her to shut up, but as soon as he tasted her lips, and felt her body again. He was lost. He wanted her.

She moaned, and he slid his tongue into her mouth. She bit it lightly. His hands left her shoulders to grip her waist just as hard. Her hands clawed up his back. She tasted just like he knew she would. Fiery, and sweet. He moved his hands down over her hips, and she clutched him closer. He lifted her, and she let out a squeak of surprise, but didn't stop him. He walked until he could set her on the edge of the table. His lips leaving hers to trail down her neck igniting a fire in both of them. She pulled at his shirt.

"Helga...I..."He tried to apologize, but she caught his lips in hers kissing him deeeply.

"Shhhh...just shut up." She said breathlessly when she pulled away.

She sunk her teeth into his neck hard enough it hurt. He gripped the table on either side of her. Her fingers slid under his shirt, and pulled upwards. He stepped back to help her pull it over his head.

"Wait...wait.."She said, and he thought she was going to run off again. Instead she reached behind her, and with one sweep cleared off the table. The fine plates crashed to the floor along with the foor he had prepared, but she lay back on the table, and he didn't notice.

He leaned over her kissing everywhere he could. Her neck, her cheeks, her ears. His hands tangling in her hair. Her hands went to his belt, and began pulling on the buckle. He moved his from her hair to strip her shirt over her head. She had on a hot pink bra, and he loved her even more. Her skin was so soft, and creamy. He couldn't resist touching her.

"This doesn't change anything...I hate you." She said in a seething tone as her fingers undid his zipper.

"Right back at you." He said.

"Show me what you got...football head." She said.

He slid her further up onto the table, and in an effort to climb on with her the table crunched briefly before crashing to the floor. Helga crushed between him, and the table. She let out a noise, and he bit her ear.

"You alright buttercup?" He teased.

"Just shut up. I'm fine." She said raking her nails down his back, and her knew she liked it...he knew because he did too.

A couple of brief, but exausting minutes later Helga stood up from the floor/table, and he looked at her back as she did so. It had deep scratches in it from the table, and he had no doubt his back matched hers from her nails.

"Clean up this mess."She said in a cold voice.

He didn't reply, and she left the kitchen leaving him sitting there. Slightly less frustrated, but twice as confused.

* * *

**So I hope you like this chapter...I hope the anger, passion, lust, and angst came across as accurately as I felt it when I wrote it. Let me a review! **


	8. Chapter 8

Helga thundered up the stairs as fast as her still wobbly legs would take her. She staggered unsteadily into her bedroom, and slammed the door behind her leaning against it for a breif second before making a dive for the bed. She landed on the queen side mass of blankets and pillows, and grabbed for the pink phone on the bedside table. While it rang she took a minute to breathe. This room was her sanctuary.

Soft pink carpet, and white wallpaper decorated with small victiorian roses all over it. Her bed was to the left of the door a white four poster bed with pink and white sheets. Her dresser at the foor was white. There were large glass doors straight across from the door leading to the balcony with pink curtains. A stereo behind the door, and a small white mini bar.

"Hello?"

"Phoebe...I screwed up...I...I don't know what to do!" Helga yelled into the phone.

"Helga...calm down.."Phoebe sounded completely resonable.

"I...I can't." Helga said with a sob pushing her now completely tousled hair back from her face.

"Helga what happened?" Phoebe asked sounding concerned.

"The inevitable." Helga said wiping at the tears poruing own her cheeks.

"Oh Helga..."Phoebe said sympathy lacing her words, and Helga cried harder.

"I don't know why I did this...why I let him do this to me." Helga said in misery.

"Because...you love him, you've always loved him." Phoebe said.

"No, No I don't...I don't love him." Helga said.

"Yes you do." Phoebe said.

"No."

"Helga...you do...you always have, and you still do, and loving someone means letting them hurt you...if it makes them feel good." Phoebe said gently.

"I don't want to love him. I don't.." Helga said.

"I know."

"What am I going to do?" Helga asked gripping the phone until her knuckles turned white.

"Let him go." Phoebe said.

"I can't." Helga said in an anguished voice more tears trailing down her face.

"Then hang on." Phoebe said.

"If I hang on...it might kill me." Helga said.

"If you let go...it definitely will." Phoebe pointed out.

"It hurts so much." Helga admitted.

"I know...just walk me through it." Phoebe said.

"I was a cowad Phoebe...my whole life I could always put things into written words, but saying them...to him...never. I could have said something...anything after what happened, but I was so shaken." Helga said.

"I know it's ok."

"I ran. I didn't say anything I told him to clean up the mess, and I ran." Helga said.

"Wait clean up the mess? I think we're on different pages I thought you two...well you know."Phoebe said.

"Yeah...I'm not getting into that." Helga said with a sigh.

"Must have been something if there was a mess." Phoebe said with a teasing tone, and Helga smiled a little.

"It was the single most exhilirating, and best sex I ever had in my life." Helga said.

"Well...why didn't you stay with him then?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know I panicked." Helga grabbed a tissue to wipe her eyes.

"And where's Arnold? Right now?" Phoebe asked.

"Downstairs cleaning the kitchen." Helga said with a sniffle.

"In...the...ok...Just go down, and offer to help." Phoebe said, and Helga knew her best friend was probably shaking her head in disbelief.

"No, no I can't." Helga said standing and walking to the mini bar in the corner of her bedroom she poured herself a large whiskey.

"Helga...this is ridiculous." Phoebe said with a sigh.

"I know...but I think I'll get a hot shower, and go to bed." Helga said throwing back her drink.

"Do you think drinking is a good idea right now?" Phoebe scolded, and Helga laughed pouring herself another drink.

"I think it's a great idea." Helga replied.

"It won't solve anything." Phoebe pointed out.

"No, but it'll help me forget...for a little while." Helga said.

"Well, I should go. I guess good luck with getting drunk." Phoebe said sarcastically.

"Yep. Night Pheebs." Helga hung up, and tossed her phone onto her bed.

She finished her drink, and switched on her stereo. The smooth slow song playing into the cool room. She pulled open the double glass doors leading onto the balcony. It was dark outside and the cool air blew lightly into the room. She moved into her adjoining bathroom lighting little white candles she did the same in her bedroom. She stripped feeling the cool air on her heated skin. She filled another drink, and took a long swallow feeling the warmth to her toes, as the music washed over her. She turned on the hot water in her giant tub letting it fill.

She pulled her tousled hair up into a mess bun ontop of her head, and secured it. She tapped her toes on the cold cermaic tiles moving slightly to the music she cracked her neck. A good buzz forming in her head. She hummed along with the music. Her favorite song Meant by Elizaveta playing in her soul with the music. She took another drink stepping into the hot water.

Forty minutes later she stepped out of the tub letting her empty glass beside it. She blew out all the candles in the bathroom then copied the action in the bed room, but she left the stereo on. She pulled on a white silk robe tying it loose around her body. She moved to the glass doors, and was going to close them, but changed her mind the room was cool, and she liked the feeling. She crawled into her bed, and stared at the ceiling listening to the music play. She was so deep in thought. She rolled to stare at the spot next to her on the empy bed. She wanted to lay in bed with Arnold, but she couldn't face him now after what had happened. She slid deeper into the blankets, and slowly drifted to sleep.

* * *

Arnold finished cleaning the kitchen, and had himself a hot shower. He expected Helga to come back downstairs but she never did. Now, laying in his bed he could vaguely hear the soft music coming from her room. A song he never heard before but found relaxing, and calming yet slightly arousing at the same time. He stared at his ceiling. What was with her? and what was going on between them?

His door opened slowly, and he sat up. Helga stepped into his room.

"Helga? Is something wrong?" He asked.

"I had a bad dream." She said shutting the door behind her.

"Oh...ok."He didn't know what to say.

"Can I stay with you?" She asked looking at him, and he swallowed lifting the blankets slightly.

"Sure." He was watching her waiting for her to move, and she did.

Her hand went to the knot on her robe, and pulled it free letting it slide to the floor. He blushed, but didn't move. She stalked closer to the bed, and he could still hear the music from her room playing faintly. She climbed into the bed beside him.

She lay down, and he dropped the blankets over her thankful for the covering of her naked body, and then she curled up against his body, and pressed her lips to his. This kiss was different soft, and yeilding. He kissed her back his hands trailing lightly up her bare back to tangle in her hair. He would never be able to listen to this song again, and not taste her skin.

Arnold was vaguely aware that she seemed drunk, but it wasn't long before he had his own buzz going strictly from her. Her skin was as soft, and smooth as glass, her body a temple, and he the sinner begging for forgiveness.

* * *

**Sorry it's been so long guys. I promise I'm going to finish this, and Family of Five. **

Read and Review, and I highly reccomend you listen to the song while you read this it just sets the mood so perfect! it's called **Meant by Elizaveta.** I do NOT own it, but it's my favorite song to listen to when I'm trying to write, and it fit this entire scene.


	9. Chapter 9

Arnold woke up first. The beginning rays of sunlight pouring into the room. It was warm, and sunny for the first time since he'd came to this dreadful house. He looked beside him and saw Helga was still sleeping. It was the first time she looked at peace and content. She was relaxed and comfortable. He looked at her a million thought buzzing in his hand.

How could someone survive as long as she had when they were completely at war with themself?

She moved a little to snuggle deeper into the blankets. He looked her over. She truly was beautiful. She was laying on her stomach hugging a pillow close. The blankets came up to the middle of her back. Her skin was white as snow, and just as smooth. Her blonde hair spilled in soft sunlit waves around her head, and down her back slightly. One long leg was out from under the blankets. She looked like an angel, pure, and sweet. He reached out to smooth her hair over her soft shoulder. She made a soft noise, but didn't wake up. He sat up leaning against the head board of the bed with a heavy sigh.

This couldn't be happening, not to him.

The warm feeling that spread through his body when he saw her. The tightness in his chest when she smiled at him. The way his arms ached to be wrapped around her. He couldn't be falling in love with Helga Pataki. It was his life he had the sense that something very important was missing he always assumed it was his parents, but now laying here next to her. Feeling her body heat, and hearing her breathe it was gone. Nothing was missing anymore.

She moved, and slowly opened the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. She looked up at him, and he smiled instantly happy to see her.

"Good morning." He said softly.

He didn't know what reaction he expected from her, but what she did wasn't it. She rolled over and sat up grabbing her robe from the floor she pulled it on, and stood keeping her back to him.

"Where are you going?" He asked looking at her.

"To shower, and then I have work to do." She said.

"Oh...ok." He began searching the blankets for his boxers, and she walked to the door.

"Are we having breakfast together?" He asked.

"No. I'm not hungry." She said stepping out into the hall and closing the door behind her.

He gave up on his search for his boxers, and collapsed back onto the bed with a heavy sigh staring at the ceiling. Being with her was confusing in so many ways. It was almost like she was three different people. When she was around the house she was cruel, cold, and demanding there was no room for anything to survive inside her heart that was the side she showed the world the stone version of herself, but he saw the other side too. When she was writing she was someone else. She was beautiful, broken, and terribly haunted, and she was honest. Nobody who wrote like she did could be lying about the feelings they portrayed. Everything in her changed when she wrote the edges softened, and the scars were visible, and she was vulnerable. Then there was the one he saw in flashes of passion, and whispers in the night. At night she was sweet, and loving, and passionate. She put her entire being into their love making, and she didn't hold back or hide behind a mask. That was the Helga he was slowly falling in love with.

Arnold drug himself out of bed, and into the shower. He pulled on clean clothes then gatheres all the dirty ones decinding to do a wash today. He stepped into the hall way, and coould hear the music coming from the study. He stopped a second to listen, and instantly recognized the song as _**Heavy by Florence and the Machine.**_ It was a good song, and he knew music meant a lot to her. He knocked on the door, and she turned to look at him.

"Yes?" She seemed annoyed.

"I'm doing a wash. Do you have clothes?" He asked.

She stood pushing past him, and going into her room. She shut the door behind her so he waited in the hall. A few minutes later she came out with a basket, and closed the door behind her again.

"What do you want for lunch?" He asked taking the basket and trying to buy time with her.

"I don't care." She said starting for the study.

"Would you like to eat in the glass room?" He asked, and she stopped.

She laughed silently and shook her head before turning to face him.

"Don't do this." She said coldly.

"Do what?"

"Try and win me over. Don't try to keep me talking and prattle on about nonsense. It's below you." She said.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you do. Even now you're doing anything to keep me talking to you. I don't know what you think is going on here...but don't do this to yourself." She said.

"You act like it's nothing...what happened last night." He said.

"It was nothing. If you were confused by that I'm sorry." She said.

"Come on Helga...I'm not the only one that feels this." He said.

"Yeah you are. I'm telling you nicely. It meant nothing...if you push this you're going to get hurt Arnold. I don't want that not really, but I can't help it if you're determined to imagine we are anything other than an employer and employee." She said putting her hands on her hips.

"So you don't feel anything for me? You didn't feel anything for me last night?" He asked.

"No." She said simply.

He stood there and she waited a minute or two before turning and going back into the study. He dropped her basket of clothes ontop of his, and carried them to the laundry room.

* * *

Helga closed the study door behind her and fought the urge to call Phoebe. She wanted to talk to someone, but naturally felt guilty for calling Phoebe to have repeptative meltdowns over the same reason. She moved to her desk, and took a deep breath preparing to write.

She burst into tears. They came so suddenly she didn't have time to react. She covered her face miserably with her hands. Whatever was going on between her and Arnold it was not letting go. It was wanting to let go and still holding on. It was painful, and beautiful. It was useless, and everything she wanted. She was a basket case it was official.

He was robbing her of everything she had worked hard to pretend she was and in the end she was just a nine year old girl begging him against the odds to love her. Maybe behind the best sellers, behind the iron gates, behind the stone walls, behind it all that's all she was ever going to be. Maybe that's the only person she could be.

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. No, she was more than this. She had worked for years to prove it to everyone and now she was going to prove it to herself.

* * *

Arnold made lunch a few hours later, and fixed it on a small tray carrying it carefully up the stairs to the study. He knocked and a few seconds later Helga opened the door. One look at her and he knew she'd been crying. Her cheeks were red, and stained, and despite her best effort her eyes looked tired.

"Helga...is something wrong?" He asked.

"No. Come in." She opened the door a little wider and he moved into the study.

"Are you sure you're ok?" He asked moving towards the fire place.

"Yeah...what are you doing?" She asked closing the door behind him.

"I thought we could eat in front of the fireplace." He said sitting down, and placing the tray infront of him.

"Why?" She moved to join him.

"I don't know. I thought it'd be nice." He said with a shrug.

She sat down indian style on the other side of the tray. She picked up one of the small cucumber snadwiches and took a bite.

"How is the writing coming?" He asked.

"Ok I guess.."She shrugged like it was no big deal. She didn't want to admit she cried all day and had gotten no work done.

"I know it'll be a master piece."He offered, and she winced. She looked up at him and looked close to tears again.

"Why are you so nice to me?" She asked softly.

"Because I...I like you."He said with a small smile.

She sat completely still just looking at him. Her hair was tumbling wild all over the place, and her eyes looks sad, and broken, but brilliantly blue. Her cheeks were pink and tear stained. She swallowed and then slowly as if afraid of him she hesitantly leaned over and pressed her lips against his for a second just a second. Then she pulled back an inch and repeated the process. After a second his hands reached for her shoulders, and hers rested lightly on his chest.

This was the first time she didn't attack him in a heated rush. She just sat there kissing him gently. He moved the tray with one hand out of the way and she pushed to kneel infront of him. His hands stroked gently through her hair. She pushed him back so she could lay on top of him. He pulled back breaking the kiss.

"I don't understand anything about you." He said softly his thumb brushing lightly over her tear stained cheek.

"I don't want you to." She said in a whisper.

"What do you want?" He asked searching her eyes for an answer.

"Just be with me." She said it with a tone that made it sound possible for him to say no.

He kissed her again gently. It was the first time she let him be gentle. She let him hold her closer, and caress her skin. She didn't have to be biting, and scratching, and he didn't have to be dominating. He was just Arnold, and she was just Helga.

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	10. Chapter 10

**NOTE: Since the past few chapters had key songs I'm going to continue doing that. I will recommend a song that goes to each chapter. If you like the songs let me know, and if you think they fit let me know. The song for THIS chapter is Bo Bruce The fall. I do NOT own it but it's what I listened to while writing this chapter. Enjoy it! **

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Arnold stood in the kitchen humming softly to himself while filling the dishwasher. Ok, so maybe Helga was mean and crazy half the time, and maybe the house was cold and dark, but despite all that he had a good paying job plus room and bored, and the perks he was getting on the side yeah he loved those. He put the last dish in the dishwasher and closed it gently Helga had actually cleaned up her plate, but he figured she had worked up an appetite. After their lunch she had promptly kicked him out insisting she needed to write, and he had obliged needing a nap himself the woman wore him out.

He could hear her stereo playing music upstairs but that was all the clicking of the keys wasn't loud enough to be heard downstairs so at this point he didn't know if she was writing or drinking but he guessed it was a little bit of both. He snatched up his copy of the locket ready to read the last page. He settled down in the livingroom cracking it open to the last page instantly sucked into the story.

_**Hannah Woke up in the hospital the beeping monitors letting her know she was still alive. One more thing she had failed out. She wanted to scream, and cry out, but she couldn't she was so utterly defeated even crying now seemed pointless. Her best friend Pamela was asleep in a small folding chair beside her bed, and Hannah was ashamed that she was in this condition. Andrew wasn't here, Andrew didn't even know what she had done. Because Andrew was out living his life, and he didn't care about what happened to her. Hannah took a deep breath that seemed almost painful, and finally felt Andrew leave her lungs. Maybe she had succeeded in cutting him out of her life. Maybe, He was gone forever, Maybe she was going to be ok. THE END.**_

Arnold shut the book and sat there absorbing the words into his soul for a minute. The only word to describe the novel was brilliant. It was haunting, tormenting and in the end slightly jarring in it's honesty of love being rejected or at least not felt. He glanced up at the ceiling where Helga was above him and felt a sense of pain for her. To write as free, and raw as she did she had to have survived or felt something amazingly painful. He felt like someone had peeled back a veihl on love that he had never know existed. Maybe he was wrong about Helga maybe she knew more about love than he thought.

* * *

Helga sighed with mild relief as she finished the latest chapter in her newest book. It always felt peacful to finish a chapter and get the words out of her mind and onto the pages. She did a small victory spin in her desk chair and threw back the last of her brandy.

Sometimes writing was the only thing she could do. It was who she was it was why she breathed. It was why she lived if she couldn't write she though maybe she'd go crazy. Maybe she'd die like someone who stopped breathing died. If she didn't get it out of her it would surely kill her. There was a soft knock but she didn't reply and slowly the door opened.

"Hey..."Arnold stepped inside closing the door behind him.

"Hey."She didn't turn around to face him.

"I just finished the locket...I wanted to say something to you." He said softly.

"Ok, go ahead." She said turning slightly to face him.

"I'm sorry about the things I said to you. The things I said about you not knowing how to love, and everything I said...I'm sorry I was out of line." He said honestly and he didn't miss the way she bit her lip and looked out the window instead of at him.

"No, don't be sorry. You were right about all of it." She said shaking her head.

"No Helga I wasn't. I know I wasn't...I know you better now...you're so passionate, and...you're so...broken." He said softly and she winced.

She stayed silent for a few minutes and he waited for the tongue lashing he was sure she was going to give him. Instead she shrugged with a heavy sigh.

"You're right I am broken...but writing has always made me feel whole." She said with a small smile.

The music that had been playing changed to a different song. It was haunting and in a way he felt like it fit Helga perfectly. It got beneath your skin and flowed easily into your veins.

"What are you listening to?" He asked and she looked at him.

"Bo Bruce...The fall...It..inspires me."She said motioning to the laptop.

"Dance with me." He said, and she frowned.

"Are you crazy?"She asked.

"Why not? Come on." He motioned at her.

She slowly stood and took his hand he pulled her close one hand resting lightly on her waist the other holding hers. He started to move to the slow music.

"I never thought I'd be here." He said.

"Me either." She replied.

"You're such a mystery Helga...It's stunning to witness." He told her.

"I'm not stunning to witness."She said rolling her eyes.

"How is the new book coming?" He asked.

"Good. I should be finished soon." She said.

"I can't wait to read it." He told her honestly.

"Arnold...we need to talk." She said gently pulling out of his arms.

"Yeah?" He put his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching for her.

"I think that when this book is over...you should find a new job." She said.

He stood there not quite believing her. The look on her face let him know she wasn't kidding and he realized it was more than devestating to think of going back to life without her.

"Why? Did I do something?" He asked and she shook her head.

"No, You didn't I just...I think you need to get out of this house, and away from me."She said moving away from him.

"What? Why?" He attempted to follow her but changed his mind.

"Because Arnold...I'm a basket case at best...I'm a time bomb waiting to go off and when I do...I don't want to take you out with me." She said looking at him.

"I don't understand."He said sounding angry.

"I know you don't...maybe someday...you will."She shrugged.

He wasn't stupid he knew what she was doing. She was doing what Helga always did. He was slowly breaking down her walls and so instead of lashing out she was going to run. She was going to push him away because she was scared. He knew she was scared but that didn't help the anger boiling inside him.

"What is wrong with you? You have sex with me and then decide that maybe I should quit? Are you really that much of a vindictive whore?" As soon as he said it he regretted it.

"Yes, I am...and you should have known...I warned you Arnold I told you this was just employer and employee...I told you not to get too involved...I warned you that you would get hurt but you didn't listen." She said coldly.

He looked away running a hand through his hair his eyes catching the clock on the wall. He shook his head in disbelief. Had it really only been two hours since he was in this room making love with her on the floor?

"You warned me...but I'm not the one who's falling in love."He said bitterly and her quick intake of breath let him know he had an advantage now.

"I...I don't know..."She stuttered.

"That's it Helga...You're in love with me and it's scaring you so you're going to push me away. The thing is I don't care. Push me away it means absolutely nothing to me I'm not the one in love."He said knowing how badly his words cut her.

She didn't say anything she spun on her heel and stormed over to her desk and grabbed her bottle of whiskey. She wripped the top off and down a gulp directly from the bottle her hands shaking.

"Go ahead Helga...get wasted..do it...drown your pathetic life in booze." He taunted.

"Shut up."She said softly.

"What? I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over violins playing in your honor." He said.

"I said shut up."She said bracing her hands on her desk her entire body shaking.

"You'll have to speak up Helga...I can't hear I seem to be slightly deaf from your screaming my name earlier." He taunted.

She grabbed the bottle of whiskey spun towads him and hurtled the bottle across the room at him. He ducked and the bottle shattered against the wall behind him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He yelled.

"I SAID SHUT UP!" She screamed.

"I'll do even better than that."He said moving towards her he crossed the room.

"Get away from me." She said through gritted teeth. He stopped a few inches away and leaned in as if he was going to kiss her. Her body trembled so hard her teeth rattled.

"I quit."He said softly.

"Good." She spat back.

He turned and strode to the door she didn't speak or try to stop him and he opened the door leaving it open behind him. He went into his room slamming the door behind him. She stood there a second shaking with anger, and need. She turned around to her desk. Sitting beside her computer was the first draft of her novel printed neatly in a stack. She grabbed it and threw it in the fireplace watching the words burn. Every love confession, every kiss, every touch and feeling burned away. She grabbed her brandy and up ended the bottle downing most of its contents.

* * *

Arnold finished slamming his clothes into his suitcase and by now most of his anger had burned out. She was so infuriating anytime they made progress she did something to ruin what they had. He didn't understand her and she wouldn't let him try. Right now all he wanted was to take a lesson from her and run for the hills. He carried his first bag out into the hall and went into his room for the second one when he came out Helga was standing beside his bag.

"Take off your clothes."She said.

"You've got to be kidding me."Arnold said dropping his second suitcase to stare at her.

"I said...take off your clothes." She said moving closer and he could smell the alcahol on her.

He stood there looking down at her and something in the burning way she looked into his eyes had him kicking off his shoes. She just stared as he stripped off his shirt. When he had tossed his shirt to the floor he wrapped his arms around her pulling her body to his he kissed her. She kissed him back biting his lower lip. He pulled back just a tiny bit.

"You bring out the worst in me." He said his hands going to her shirt and peeling it up her body.

"That's funny...you bring out the best in me."She said kissing him again.

He kissed her deeply his confusion turning quickly into lust and pouring into their kiss. He tugged her shirt over her head and she broke away for a second until he tossed it aside. She slid her hands up his bare chest and around his neck. He pulled her closer his hands on her hips his mouth devoiuring hers. He had to admit he heard once crazy girls were great in bed, and he was inclined to believe it. She was the best lover he ever had, and even when she was screaming at him he wanted to do nothing but bend her over the nearest object. She pushed him slightly back into his room, and he backed up until he hit the edge of the bed and could sit down allowing her to straddle his lap. He leaned back and she pursued her hands trailing back down across his chest, and stomach.

* * *

Maybe she was split personality. That was Arnolds theory as he lay in his bed staring at the ceiling. He was alone. Like always Helga hadn't stuck around long after. She rolled out of the bed told him to unpack his things and make dinner then she vanished. He decided it would wait a minute or two until he caught his breath. As much as he enjoyed being with her the woman was slowly killing him. Still, what a way to go.

He frankly didn't know how she had the energy to keep running off after their encounters. Between the pushing, biting, scratching, hair pulling sex and his job he was completely exausted. Helga however had no problem getting up and going on about his business. Now, he was faced with the fact he'd have to apologize to her again. He shouldn't have lashed out at her and he knew it even when he was doing it but it had been so easy.

He rolled out of the bed and pulled on his jeans with a heavy sigh looking at the bruises that covered nearly his entire body. He winced when he bent to pick up his shirt from the floor. He pulled it over his head and moved to the kitchen to start making dinner. He was mixing a salad when she came into the kitchen.

"What's for dinner?"She asked.

"Chicken, and a salad...unless you want something else."He said not turning to face her.

"No, That's fine." She said moving to the fridge and getting herself a water.

"Helga...I'm..."He started to speak she interrupted him.

"Don't say you're sorry again. Please, For goodness sake...I've had enough of your apologies."She said waving her hand.

"Well I am."He said chopping a tomato.

She walked over to stand beside him snatching up a slice of carrot and eating it, and he had a terrible urge to kiss her right there and then. He resisted though. He finished the salad and sat it on the table with the chicken. She sat down and took a drink of her water.

"Can I ask you something without you biting my head off?"He asked as he sat down.

"Probably not." She said taking a bite of salad, and he smiled.

"There's...not a chance that..."He trailed off.

"What?" She made a motion of impacience with her fork.

"You can't be getting pregnant. Can you?" He asked realizing now he should have asked sooner.

"Not likely football head." She snorted taking another drink.

"Ok I mean I don't want you to think it's because of it being you...I just..."He trailed off again.

"I'm on the pill...relax.."She said taking a bite of chicken.

"Ok then."He finally took a bite of chicken.

"Whores like me...gotta take something."She said under her breath and he dropped his fork with a heavy sigh.

"Helga...I'm sorry I didn't mean it."He said.

"It sounded like you did."She said taking another drink.

"Well I didn't...honestly."He said.

"Whatever I've been called worse."She said shrugging like it was no big deal but he saw the hurt in her eyes, and felt it in his soul.

They ate mostly in silence until Helga stood up after finishing her water.

"It's been a long day. I'm going to bed."She said.

"Oh...ok."He moved to stand and she shook her head.

"I'm going to bed alone...I'll see you in the morning."She said.

"ok then."He sat back down watching her.

"Goodnight Arnold."She said sadly, and he saw a loneliness in her eyes he didn't notice before.

"Goodnight Helga."He said softly.

* * *

She exited the kitchen and drug her tired body up the stairs. She went into her room and shut the door behind her. She leaned against it for a minute before changing into her pajamas a long silk pink nightgown. She moved to the large doors leading onto her balcony and stepped out onto her balcony feeling the cool night air hit her skin chilling her to the bone.

He was right about everything and that hurt more than anything he could have made up. A single tear rolled down her cheek and she stared up at the moon. She glanced down at the concrete below her balcony and for a minute debated jumping just to end this pain. The dull ache that was chewing her insides away. She couldn't let go, and she couldn't hold on. She wasn't anything if she wasn't in love with him. Maybe, if he left she'd disappear just vanish and not be anything at all anymore. She wasn't much of a human being to begin with . The only thing that reminded her she was alive, and she was human was the way she loved him.

When everything went wrong, when it hurt to breath, when she wanted to just give up. Her love of Arnold breathed life into her and kept her going. If she didn' t have that anymore if that feeling left. She didn't have anthing. She moved into her room collapsing onto her bed. He couldn't stay here forever, and she couldn't expect him too. If he left she'd be alone again but at least alone the only person that could hurt her was herself...and she would, she knew she would. It was a terrifying thing to be afraid of yourself and Helga was. She was scared to be alone with her own terrible mind, and thought and worst of all she was afraid that if she was alone with her feelings they would succeed and kill her.

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	11. Chapter 11

**_Song for this chapter is READ ALL ABOUT IT by EMELI SANDE. I hope you all like it and think it fits. I listened to it while writing it._**

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Helga woke up early. She lay in her bed staring at the ceiling for hours it seemed. She was sure Arnold would be getting up and making breakfast. She was sure he thought she was crazy and maybe she was. She didn't even know anymore. She didn't recognize herself, it was like she wasn't even herself anymore. It wasn't her voice screaming at him, It wasn't her body that wrapped around him, and it wasn't her soul that was devoted to his. All of her was gone, and he had stolen it. She didn't want him to leave not really, she didn't want to be alone again, but she was afraid to get close to him. She was afraid of herself. The way she wanted him, the way her heart begged to trust him and throw away any doubt. The way she couldn't live without him. She was afraid of herself, and being alone. She rolled out of her bed and moved into the bathroom splashing cold water on her face she stared at herself in the mirror.

"Who are you?" She asked her reflection softly.

There was a soft knock on her bedroom door and she jumped snapping out of her trance. She took a deep breath before making a very hard decision.

"Come in." She called softly. This was it. It was so much more than letting him into her room she was letting him into her sanctuary, into her soul. The door knob turned slowly and the door creaked open. Arnold stepped inside.

"Breakfast is ready." He said.

"Thank you."She said waiting for him to comment on her very feminine and warm bedroom.

"This is a stunning room."Arnold said looking around taking in the pink, and white room.

"Thanks...I like the balcony." She said softly.

"May I?"He asked.

"Of course."She motioned him to the doors.

He walked across the room and pulled open the balcony doors just like she had the night before. He stepped out onto the balcony just like she had, and the idea of him diong something so normal as standing exaclty where she had struck her as intimate, and calming.

"It's really beautiful out here in the middle of nowhere." Arnold said, and she stepped onto the balcony with him.

"It's everything I need. Solitude, freedom, safety." She shrugged.

"It's easy to breathe here...it's almost like a place that time forgot." He said.

"I know that's the reason I bought it." She said glad he felt the same way about the house.

"What about you Helga?"He asked looking at her.

"What about me?" She asked confused.

"If you never leave the house, aren't you afraid time will forget you too?"He asked meeting her eyes.

A light breeze blew and she took a sharp inhale. He had hit the nail on the head with that one. Time had forgotten her. Life had forgotten her and passed by the entire time she was here. Right here in this beautiful house. What once was her sancutary became a prison.

"It already did."She said with a wince. She turned and went back into her room.

Arnold watched her reatreating form and felt his heart tug at seeing the pain that single statement had caused her. He thought back to his words the night before and a sinking realization hit him. When he said he wasn't falling in love he had lied. He was falling in love with her, and he had no idea how to stop himself, and he wasn't sure if he wanted too. Their love was so unlike any he ever felt before. It was painful, and deep, effortless yet fragile. She hurt him, she hurt herself and he begged for more. When she looked at him with her walls down with that deep ache in her eyes visible all he wanted was to hurt with her. If she hurt, he wanted to hurt, if she ached he wanted to take it from her, and when she broke he shattered.

This love was dangerous it could save her or kill them both.

Helga paced in her bedroom and took a shuddering breath. This was it she had to come clean she had to throw it all on the line and beg him to save her before she drowned in her own secrets. She felt tears in her eyes and she hadn't even said anything him yet. He stepped into her room and she stopped pacing turning to look at him. He took one look at her face and froze.

"What's wrong?" He asked instantly aware of the agony on her face.

"I have something to tell you."She said softly swallowing past her tears.

"Ok..."He took a deep breath.

"I wrote the locket...for me originally...I just needed to get it out...I'm Hannah...and you...you're Andrew."She said with a sigh.

He stood there looking at her, and she bit her lip to keep it from trembling. She slowly took one shaking hand and pushed up the sleeve of her silk robe revealing her arms. She turned over her wrist letting him see the old scars.

"You did that...because of me."He said, and she shook her head.

"No, I did it because of me...because..I was weak and scared and I didn't want to be me anymore." She said honestly.

He didn't say anything and she pushed her sleeves back down tucking her hair behind her ear. She took a shaky breath and continued.

"You own me...you control everything I've ever been and everything I ever will be. I can't live without you, and I can't live with you. I made a living using my words but when it comes to you I don't have any...that's why I need you to leave." She said ending on a whisper.

"Wait I'm confused...I own you? I own you? You have no idea Helga...every look on your face controls how I feel. " Arnold said taking a step closer and she backed up.

"Which is why...you need to leave."She said again tears in her eyes but for once she wasn't yelling.

"Why? Why should I leave?"He asked.

"I can't live like this. I can't stand knowing that I'm tearing you to pieces...I can't breathe without you. I can't feel anything except your touch. I am nothing when you aren't here it's like I'm already dead and when you are it's agony all the time. I hurt until I can't stand it anymore."She said with a sob.

He moved taking her in his arms holding her close. Holding her so tight that nothing could have pulled him away. He knew what she was saying because even now he ached to the core.

"Let me hurt for you...let me be your comfort Helga...let me help you...I'll take it I'll take all of it. When you hurt I'll hurt for you." He begged.

"I was ready for anything...I thought...I thought I could deal with you being here. I can't...I wasn't ready to see you like this Arnold...you're not the same person you used to be...I'm killing you and you know it...I can't stand here and say I love you and do that to you." She said shaking her head.

"Say it again." He said and she lifted her head to look at him.

"Say..."He interrupted her.

"That you love me...say it again."He said.

She took a deep breath, and so did he. They breathed as one, they ached as one. Their souls, hearts, minds were one. She wasn't Helga and he wasn't Arnold anymore. He was the man hopelessly in love with a woman who cut him to pieces and she was a woman hopelessly in lvoe with a man that tried to hold her together.

"I...I can't."She said looking up at him a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Say it and I'll stay with you..."He said searching her eyes for the answer he knew was in there.

"That's why I won't."She said.

"I'll stay anyway." He said in a deep voice.

"You'll lose yourself in the chaos...You know you will."She said.

"I won't...I can take it. Let me try give me a chane."He begged and she moved out of his arms and he knew he had lost.

"I won't put you in that place. I don't want you to hurt for me, I don't want you to be hurt because of me." She said wiping her eyes.

"I can't live without you."He said.

"Yes you can. You did all through school. I ached for you I wanted to die...I couldn't function I couldn't think I couldn't...live...You controlled my every thought and you lived without me." She said.

"That's not fair Helga. You never once told me how you felt, you never once even gave me a clue." He said.

He began to grow panicked and in the back of his mind he knew he was panicking. She was his light, his life, his oxygen. She couldn't just take it away from him now.

"You're right it wasn't fair...none of it...it's still not...I can't live without you but I'd rather die than put you through this life." She said holding her head high her jaw set.

"Helga..."He took a step towards her and she backed up.

"It's over. Your days of controlling me are over. You're going to walk out that door and never come back, and you're going to walk away."She the tears finally breaking free.

She burst into tips and she turned her back to him. He wanted to touch her, he wanted to hold her. He took a step away from her instead. She was right, he knew she was right it was killing him being like this with her, but he couldn't see himself without her.

"I'm not leaving...I won't leave you."He said softly.

She made a choked noise of disbelief. He turned and made his way to her bedroom door and opened it. He turned to look at her but she refused to turn and face him. He exited the room shutting the door behind him.

Arnold walked down the hall to his own room and moved inside slamming the door behind him a little harder than was needed. He considered it mild progress that she had opened up to him. He couldn't lie he was beginning to think that him leaving might be the best thing for both of them. She loved him with a passion that he couldn't begin to understand. He loved her but it was a dull candle in the sunlight of her love for him. He felt inadequate in the fact that he hadn't been in love with her nearly as long. He didn't feel that burning need that she had, but he also realized that burning need she harbored turned into a fire that was slowly consuming her and the only way to extinguish it was for him to leave. Did he love her enough to let go? He didn't know.

He sat down on his bed leaning forward and putting his head in his hands. She was going down he could see it. He could see it from the first day. Years of fighting everything she felt had left her weak, and broken down. There was no life left in her anymore. He couldn't watch her drown and not attempt to help but at the same time he was the one who was filling her lungs with the water. He was killing her, but leaving would surely kill him.

* * *

**_Sorry it's so short guys but it really needed to be poured out. Anyway besides it being short I hope this chapter speaks to you in one way or another. I hope the pain and sacrifice were realistic. I hope it all came out as powerful and passionate as I felt it._**

**_READ AND REVIEW!_**


	12. Chapter 12

**SONGS FOR THIS CHAPTER *THERE ARE TWO*. **_** Only you by Matthew Perryman Jones and Believe by Trans Siberian Orchestra. . ENJOY It. I don't own them I'm just borrowing them. Give them a listen while you read.**_

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Arnold spent at least three hours pacing in his room. She was trying to drive him crazy he was sure of it. She was psychotic and she was dragging him in like a flood. He wanted to be with her, not as an assistant or lover, but as her man. He wanted to hold her at night when she cried and he wanted to fight her pain. He couldn't be with her if she wouldn't even admit to being in love with him, a small voice told him maybe he should move on, but he pushed it away. She was it for him, nobody else. He sighed and decided to do the shopping, he couldn't think with her in the same building. Everytime he cleared his head it was filled with flashes of her skin. He stormed from his room, and down the steps going out the front door without a word and getting in his car.

* * *

He was in an anger fueled daze as he walked through the store. If she wanted to play games with him, he'd show her how you win them. He had already decided that when he got home he was giong to give her just what she asked for. He was going to leave. He turned a corner and his cart slammed into another cart snapping him from his thoughts.

"I'm sorry."A soft voice said.

"It's ok...Hey Olivia."Arnold said as she dug in her purse her red curls falling all over.

He noticed that suddenly for the first time in his life he was attracted to a red-head. His thoughts were stolen by a fiery blonde.

"Hi Arnold. How have you been?"She asked brightly.

"I've been ok. You?" He asked.

"I've been good. Is your friend alright?"She asked and he saw genuine concern in her eyes.

"Well, as much as she was before."He said with a smile.

He liked Olivia, It was easy to talk to her, and be in her company. They seemed to have a lot in common. It was simple and relaxing with Olivia as opposed to the compicated storm that was his relationship with Helga.

"I am sorry about following you the other day. I had no right."Olivia said.

"No, It's ok I'm sorry I snapped. Really, it's fine."Arnold said.

"Well..."She trailed off watching him, and he took the plunge.

"Would you want to go out with me?"He asked.

"Yes...very much."She said biting her lower lip with a sweet smile.

"Ok, Why don't you give me your address?"He asked and she quickly began digging in her purse.

"Here."She handed him a slip of paper and he put it in his pocket.

"When are you free?"He asked.

"Anytime."She said with a smile.

"Tomorrow?"He asked.

"Yes."

"seven o'clock?" He asked and she nodded.

"That would be great."She said fidgeting with her putse strap.

"I'll see you then." He gave her one last smile before making his way to the check out.

* * *

When he pulled up infront of the massive house once again, Helga was coming down the steps. She had on tan hiking boots, and shorts that showed off her long legs. A white tank top with a pink flannel over top and undone. Her hair was back in a ponytail, and she was smoking again. She stop in the middle of the steps when he pulled up.

"What are you doing here?"She asked when he got out.

"I was bringing groceries."He said motioning at the car.

"I thought you left."She said taking a drag on her cigarette.

"Nope...not yet."He said moving to the bottom of the steps.

"Oh, whatever."She said like she didn't care, but he saw the relief in her eyes.

"Where were you going?"He asked.

"For a hike...I own ten acres I sometimes walk in the woods."She said.

"Can I join you?"He asked and she started down the steps.

"I suppose."She said walking past him towads the woods he laughed before falling into step beside her.

The woods were stuning in mid-day. High pine trees offering their smell, mixed with musty sweet smell of changing leaves. He liked the sounds of the leaves crunching beneath their feet, and the stone of the rock scraping against the soles of her boots. The birds were chirping softly, and there seemed to be a warmth in the woods that didn't penetrate the house itself.

"It's amazing out here."He said and she nodded.

"Yeah I feel like I can breathe here...I mean everybody breathes all day everyday, but how many really breathe. Just take a deep breath and feel all that oxygen fill your lungs, the crisp air feel it filling you and just breathing."She said with a shrug.

"I know what you mean."He said.

"I've been a million places, empty rooms, long halls, but nowhere like here I can breathe here."She said looking around the woods.

He could see as well as feel the difference in her. She was looser feeling, and softer around the edges out here. She let the walls down when she was outside which made what he was about to do even harder.

"Helga...I have something to tell you."He said moving up beside her.

"Look there...see it?" She whispered pointing.

A few feet away from them stood a clearing. A soft green patch of grass in the middle of the woods. A mother deer stood eating with a new baby fawn just a few feet away.

"It's perfect."Arnold said his eyes never leaving Helga as he spoke.

They watched the mother and faw until it began to grow dark and the mother left the baby not far behind. The woods were silent other thant the crickets singing softly. The sun had almost completely set and it gave the woods an empty peacful feelings. The colors changing from vibrant to a dull sepia color. It was beautiful to see the way the shadows raced across the ground reaching for the sunlight.

"What did you want to tell me?"She asked finally turning to him.

He stood there looking at her and she read it in his eyes. She read his thoughts as if they were one of his books. A slow smile spread across her lips.

"If you want me...catch me."She said before striking off at a run.

He stood stunned for a second before taking off after her. She was far more agile in the woods than he thought. She dodged trees here and there, Jumping over stumps and across small creeks with the ease and grace of a ballerina. She was beautiful and he thought he would happily spend the rest of his life chasing her in these woods just to see the smile on her face. He finally caught her around the race lifting her off her feet. She let out a girlish squeal and her hair tumbled free. He collapsed in exaustion onto the ground with her beside him. She was panting from their mad sprint, but her eyes shown with a happiness he'd neevr seen before. She turned her head to look at him it was so simple of an action, but every muscle in him reacted.

He moved and kissed her, rolling her beneath him. His left hand in her hair gripping her head to angle it where he wanted it and quickly what was meant as a walk in the woods turned into something much more.

She let out a soft moan of approval and just like that every fire he tried to extinguish engulfed him. His hands moved from her head to her button up shirt and pushing it off of her body. She sat up slightly to help him her own hands grabbing the bottom of his t-shirt and tearing it over his head. She was even mroe out of breath, but she didn't stop. She raked her nails down his back and he bit her shoulder. He kissed her again with twice as much passion as before. Her hands grabbed the edge of his jeans, and she pulled his belt loose throwing it aside. Her hands undid his zipper and he caught her wrists pushing her back into the leaves and pinning her arm above her head. He kissed her until she was senseless. As it grew darker in the woods he gave himself over to the passion she awoke with in him one more time.

* * *

Helga stared up at the night sky. At some point dusk had disappeared and night had fallen. Strange she had been looking up at the sky for a while but had barely noticed the change. Arnold finally managed to roll off of her onto his back beside her with a heavy sigh. She knew how he felt all of their encounters had that affect of leaving you completely breathless.

"Helga..."He spoke.

"Yeah?"She didn't move just stayed there staring at the sky.

"I have to tell you something."He said.

"What is it?" She asked turning her head to look at him.

This was it. He was going to tell her he was leaving. It would surely kill him, but maybe just maybe if he played this card, and called her bluff she'd admit to loving him.

"I quit."He said.

"Excuse me?"She sat up and he thought was looked amazingly beautiful.

The moon shone through just enough to light her flawless siloutte, and her hair was a mass tumble of unkept waves. There were leaves sticking out of her hair, and he knew she had scratches marring that perfect sing from the sticks and rocks.

"I quit...that's what you wanted. Right?"He asked looking at her.

Her eyes screamed no, Her eyes begged him not to leave, but Helga swallowed and pushed them away before he could see it to clearly.

"Yes."She said pushing to a standing position she snatched up her panties, and pulled them on then her jeans. She grabbed her pink flannel and did two buttons before scooping up her bra, tank top, socks and boots. She turned and made her way back towards the house. Arnold sighed and began to get dressed.

He made his way back to the house and it was now completely dark outside. The moon was full above the house and the main door was open. He went inside and up to his room he began packing his bags secretly hoping she'd stop him, but she didn't and he finished packing.

* * *

He was moving down the steps when she came out of the kitchen. She was still in her shorts, and pink flannel and it drove him more than a little crazy knowing behind those buttons she was naked. He could grab her tear the buttons and taste her flash all over. He steeled his nerves he had to do something about this situation.

"Are you sure you want me to go?"He asked looking at her.

"Yeah, I don't want you here."She said.

"Helga..."He started to talk but she interrupted.

"No, A few one night stands don't make a relationship Arnold."She said.

"Is that what we had?"He asked looking at here and she looked away with a shrug.

"Yes..."She said softly.

"Well if that's true I'm glad."He said, and she looked at him.

"What?"She asked looking truly wounded.

"I'm glad...I have a date tomorrow night...I'm glad I don't have to worry about their being hurt feelings between us."He said.

"Not at all."She said lifting her head higher. He saw her draw strength from somewhere.

"I'd like to be friends."He offered.

"Of course...as a matter of fact why don't you and your date stop here tomorrow night?"She asked and he froze. Ok she had shocked him with her response.

"I'm sorry?"He asked.

"Yeah, Just to smooth the ice. You guys can stop here for a drink."She said with a sick twisted smile.

"uh...yeah...ok."He agreed secretly hoping that she'd back out if he didn't.

"What time?"She asked.

"Seven thirty?"He asked with a wince.

"Sounds great. Where are you staying?"She asked her voice suddenly so cheerful it scared him more than her anger.

"In a motel in town. You have my cell phone number if you need me text me."He said moving for the door.

"ok, Really did you think I'd cry and shatter because you're leaving?"She asked holding the door for him.

"I don't know what I thought."He admitted and she smiled wider but it was forced.

"Well, I can't wait to meet your date."She said sweetly, way to sweetly.

He nodded but didnt' respond and the second he stepped onto the porch she shut the door. He moved numbly to his car and dropped his bags into the back. The entire day had gone terribly wrong. First during their walk he throws her to the ground and rather than telling her he quit the have passionate animalistic sex, Then he tells her and she encourages his date. He didn't know how he could win the game when she kept changing the rules, but he had a feeling he wasn't going to.

Helga watched from a window as Arnolds car moved down the drive. She closed the curtains shaking her head.

"Going on a nice date...over my dead body."She said to herself as she moved up the stairs to begin picking out her outfit to meet Arnolds date tomorrow. One way or another tomorrow night would be a night he wouldn't forget.

* * *

**R&R let me know how you like the songs. **

**Author Note: So this was going to be the final chapter, but I swear Arnold and Helga have minds of their own and take me places I don't plan. I don't know where this chapter came from. If you guys are getting bored I'm sorry but it looks like this fiction if going to be a bit longer than planned. Sorry. **


	13. Chapter 13

_**Songs for this chapter are. Litost by the ambassadors, and Addicted by Enrique Iglesias. I do NOT own them just suggesting them for this chapter.**_

* * *

Arnold stood in the cheap, crappy motel room that he was currently staying in. The ugly yellow carpet, and faded green walls gave off a 70s theme that had probably been in place just as long. That didn't matter though. What mattered was he had been here all night and most of the day and his cell phone hadn't rang once. Helga hadn't even sent him a text. He sighed and finished btushing his hair. He was picking Olivia up in twenty minutes, and he dind't want to be late because he was brooding over Helga. He picked out a dark blue sweater with tan pants to wear that being the closest thing he had to dress clothes.

He walked out of disgusting hotel room and into the cool, crisp evening air. He got into his car and followed the directions to Olivias house. It was a small white one story house with a blue door. He had just pulled up when she opened the door and waved. She stepped out of onto the small sidewalk and walked to the car sliding in the passenger seat she smile at him.

"You look nice."He commented.

"Thank you. So do you." She said.

She had her red hair in messy curls, and was wearing a pink dress that fell below her knees. It had a high waist, and short sleeves. Simple, Elegant and Sweet, not at all like Helga. He shook his head shaking that away.

"I told my friend Helga that we could stop in for drinks. Is that ok?"He asked.

"Of course. I'd love to meet her."Olivia said with a smile.

"She's a little...rough around the edges."Arnold said.

"I'm sure she's perfectly nice."Olivia said, and Arnold forced a smile he wasn't so sure.

He drove through the iron gates and up the long driveway with a sense of anxiety. He didn't know what Helga had planned, but he knew he had to keep control of the situation. Olivia smiled up at the house as they approached.

"I've loved this house since I was a child."She said.

"It's something else on the inside."He said.

"I can't wait to see it."Olivia said undoing her seatbelt. Arnold wished her could return her excitement, but he felt like he was throwing himself back into the prison he had just escaped the day before.

They walked up the stairs together and he rang the doorbell. Nobody answered, and he knew it was Helga making a point. He sighed and turned the knob, the door swung open. Olivia moved inside and Arnold shut the door keeping his back to the stairs.

"Helga!"He called. Moving to the left he looked into the living room.

* * *

He heard the faint clicking on the steps, and knew she was coming down the stairs. He turned and saw her and couldn't help the groan that escaped past his lips. One slender leg stepped onto the next step. Black stilletto heels making her bare legs look so skinny, and endlessly long. At mid thight started her black dress is was tighter than sin, and covered her curves amplifying them. At her chest it was low cut revealing creamy white skin. It had long lace sleeves, and her hair was down and wild behind her. Her make-up was flawless giving her the perfect bedroom eyes, and kiss me mouth. He could have sworn she walked down those stairs in slow motion.

"Arnold, It's so good to see you again."She said smiling brightly, and he looked away.

"Hey Helga."He said under his breath.

"And this must be Olivia.."Helga said offering her a hand.

"Yes, it's so nice to meet you. I love your dress."Olivia said.

"Oh thank you." Helga smiled motioning towards the living room. Olivia followed her in, and Arnold had to take a minute to check Helga out from behind the sway of her hips nearly driving him wild.

When he stepped into the living room Helga was sitting on the white couch her dress sliding up a little bit shorter. Olivia was sitting in the small white chair across from Helga meaning Arnold had to sit next to Helga. He sat down taking a deep breath, Helga turned her head to offer him a coy smile.

"So, Olivia what do you do for a living?"Helga asked.

"I work at the local chinese place now, but I'm going to college to be a vet."Olivia said with a smile.

"Well education is important."Helga said, and Arnold couldn't help staring at her long smooth legs less then an inch away from him. Slowly he pulled his hand onto the couch and reached out his little finger letting it gently slide on her leg. Her breath hitched, but other than that she gave no outward reaction.

"I love animals, I always have. I thought about trying to be a writer, but I don't know."Olivia admitted with a blush.

"Have you written anything?"Helga asked and for once Arnold could see she genuinely wanted to know.

"Yes, a few short stories." Olivia said.

"Bring them by some time. I'd be happy to look over them...I know a little bit about writing I can get you a leg up."Helga offered.

"Really?"Olivia asked with hope in her eyes, and Helga nodded.

"Absolutely. Now, Would you like some wine?"Helga asked.

"Yes, please."Olivia said, and Helga smiled standing in a slow way that Arnold knew was supposed to drive him crazy.

"Arnold, Would you mind helping me?"Helga asked looking down at him.

"Not at all."He said through gritting his teeth.

Arnold followed Helga across the hall into the kitchen the door swinging shut behind him. As soon as they were alone he grabbed her arm in a death grip his knuckles turning white.

"What are you doing?"He asked.

"Getting wine."She replied.

"You know what I'm talking about. The dress."He said gripping her arm harder.

"I wanted to look nice to meet your new friend."Helga said.

"I bet."He snapped letting go of her arm, He moved away a few feet.

"Ok, You tell me why do you think I wore this? For you? Think again."She said.

"We both know why."He said in a seething tone.

Helga scoffed and pulled a bottle of wine down from where it was chilling. She opened the bottle before moving to the cupboards to reach for a wine glass. He tried to not feed into her sick game, but she stretched reaching for a glass and that dress inched up her thighs and he broke.

In a second he was behind her one hand on her stomach the other sliding up her thigh. She grinned, but didn't turn around. He bit her neck lightly his hand reaching her hip under the dress.

"This better be quick."he said kissing her neck.

"Not here."She said pushing his hand out from under her dress.

He grabbed her hand and made a run for the pantry. It was tiny and cramped but it worked. He shoved her in then pulled the door shut behind him pushing her against he furthest wall his lips caught hers in a demanding kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him back. He lifted her one leg to wrap around his waist pushing her tighter against the wall. She let her head fall back. He bit her neck and she moaned.

"You have to be quiet."He said in a scolding tone.

Her hands dropped to pull at his pants button, and zipper. One of her shoes fell off and hit the floor. He kissed her again before tearing his lips away to chew on her neck, her collarbone. She made another noise and in a desperate, and passionate move he used his right hand to cover her mouth.

"Shhhh."He scolded. She made another noise using her leg to pull him closer.

* * *

Somewhere around ten minutes later Arnold set her back down on her feet dropping his face into the crook of her neck with a heavy sigh. She leaned back against the wall letting him lean into her.

"You better get moving. We don't want to keep her waiting."Helga said pushing him away.

"Yeah, I need to get cleaned up."He said wiping the sweat from his face.

"Go ahead, I'll cover for you."She said breezing out of the pantry to quickly pour the wine.

Helga carried to glasses into the living room where Olivia was gazing out a window. Helga smiled brightly.

"I'm sorry about the wait I just could not find the bottle opener anywhere."She said lying effotlessly. Olivia smiled taking a glass.

"It's fine, I barely noticed the time I was looking out your window."She said.

"Arnold will be down shortly, he excused himself to freshen up." Helga said taking a sip of wine she eased herself onto the couch with a wince. Her legs felt like jello.

"It's beautiful out here." Olivia said sweetly, and Helga smiled she honestly liked Olivia.

"Hey, Olivia. You ready? Our reservations are for ten minutes."Arnold said moving into the living room.

"Sure. Thank you for the wine. It was great meeting you." Olivia said.

"Like wise, and please bring by a story. I'd love to help you." Helga said forcing her sore body to stand.

Arnold put a hand on Olivias back to guide her from the room. He sent Helga a burning look before following Olivia out. Helga smiled as she sat to finish her wine. She knew all threw dinner he'd be thinking about, and she was going to make it worse.

* * *

Arnold drove to the resturant in silence his mind reeling from his visit with Helga. It was a little unsettling how easily she drove him to his knees. He had been excited for his date with Olivia and looked forward to her company, but now he wanted to drop her off go home, and get some sleep. He was exausted.

"I love this resturant." Olivia said as they parked. It was a fancy italian place.

"That's good."Arnold said with a yawn.

They walked into the resturant and were instantly seated. Olivia smiled and ordered water, while Arnold selected a white wine. They each picked up their menus and began to study them . Olivia ordered chicken, and Arnold copied her action. The waiter left them alone and the awkward first date silence set in. He thought about how things were never awkward with Helga.

"So, what do you do for a living?" Olivia asked breaking the silence.

"I work for Helga actually."Arnold admitted.

"Really? You two seem so relaxed around each other."Olivia said.

"Oh yeah, we're relaxed."Arnold said taking a drink as the waiter arrived with their food.

They had just started their meal when his phone went off. He looked at the number and saw it was Helga. He considered ignoring it, but decided not to. He flipped open the top and was rewarded with a picture of a bottle of wine and two glasses.

**NO. ** He texted back and snapped his phone shut.

A few minutes later his phone went off again and he winced. He felt guilty about this but he opened it anyway. This time it was a picture of candles lit. He took a shaky breath but texted her back the same reply. **NO.**

They ate half way through their meal when his phone went off and he flipped it open careful this time not to let Olivia see him open it yet again. This picture was of a bath tub filled with bubbles, the candles were placed around it and it was huge. Helga also wrote a short note with it. **It's big enough for two.** He sucked in a sharp breath but snapped his phone shut without a reply hoping that she took the hint. They finished their meal, and he offered Olivia desert. She declined, but suggested they finish the wine. He was drinking his glass when his phone went off he flipped it open, and then promptly dropped it on the floor clumsily. The pictures was of one very long, smooth, tan leg. It was hanging over the edge of the tub seductively wet from the water and cast in a glow from the candles. The text this time read. **Last chance. **

"Olivia, I'm really sorry, but something came up. Is it ok if I take you home?"He asked.

"Of course." She smiled picking up her purse as he fumbled with his phone.

He quickly paid the check and tried not to rush her to the car. He drove her home and she thanked him for the lovely evening. He did the gentleman thing and waited until she was safely inside before slowly driving away. He reached Helgas and practically lept from the car. He ran in slamming the door behind him he took the stairs two at a time. He burst into her bathroom and she smile at him.

The room was lit with candles and the wine was chilling beside the giant tub that had enought bubble all he could see of her was her shoulders up and one foot. Her hair was piled messily ontop of her head. A few curls came loose and clung to her neck wet from the water. The room was warm, and he kicked off his shoes.

"I thought you were on a date."She said coyly.

"I don't get you. You say you don't want me then do this."He said pulling his shirt over his head.

"I don't want you, but what's mine is mine."She said.

"I don't know why you do this. Pull me close push me away. Why can't you just pick one?" He asked dropping his pants.

"Why don't you stop me?"She shot back and he gave up.

He climbed into the tub the water was hot and he briefly hesitated then her hand started trailing up his leg, and he forgot about the water.

* * *

Helga climbed out of the tub wrapping in a big fluffy white towel. Arnold finished his glass of wine.

"You can leave now."She said.

"Are you serious?"He asked looking at her.

"As a heart attack."She said taking a drink of her own wine.

"But...I...we..."He stuttered.

"You moved out remember? I was driving you crazy."She said.

"I just don't get you. I try so hard to understand you, to get you to let me in, and you won't."He said, and she shrugged.

"I think I let you in enough."She said shaking her hair down.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about."He said with a scowl.

"Look I don't have time for this I'm exausted."She said.

"Geez Helga. You know what you are?"He asked.

"What?"She asked with a smile she actually seemed to be enjoying this.

"Lightening."He said.

"really?"She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, it's dark and then you hit and just for a second you light up the night, you break the darkness, and you're there. Then before I can even react you're gone again. It's just a flash so brief, but so brilliant I keep watching for more."He said.

"Well, nobody asked you to keep watching."She said.

"No, I guess not." He climbed from the tub, and grabbed his clothes pulling on his boxers and jeans.

"I'll see you tomorrow."She said moving into her bedroom. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

Maybe she wanted to kill him. Push him to the point of desperation that he finally withered up and died. He pulled on his shirt and shoes moving into the hall and down the stairs. He looked around the dark cold house. She had to get out of here somehow, and he was going to see to it that she did. It would either save her or kill them both, but he was going to get her out.

* * *

Helga lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She heard the front door close, and a few seconds later heard his car leave. She felt instantly guilty for calling him away from his date. Olivia was a nice girl and they would be good together, but the thoughts of his hands on Olivias skin after they had touched her nearly killed her.

He was her drug, and she was addicted she didn't know if he was curing her or killing her, but she couldn't stop, and couldn't get enough of him. She was out of control with her addiction, but what if he was her cure and she gave him up, but what if he was killing her and she was hanging on. She wasn't sure which, but she knew that when he was kissing, her and touching her. Everything was beautiful. She needed some beauty in her life even for a little bit and holding on a little longer wouldn't hurt.

* * *

**R&R**


	14. Chapter 14

**Songs for this chapter are... RIVER by Emeli Sande' , Haven't seen the last of you by Toby Keith and Foolish Games by Jewel. I do NOT own these songs just reccomending them.**

* * *

Helga was sitting in her office letting the words flow freely from her soul when she heard Arnolds car pull up out front. She stopped typing for a minute as she listened to him enter the house and head straight to the kitchen.

She went back to typing with a heavy sigh. He was her muse, her inspiration, her ghost that haunted the pages of each book. She listened to him move around in the kitchen below her feet. It was strangely comforting knowing he was there. The house became a cold enemy when she was alone. Her thougths ran wild until they turned on her and she was afraid to be alone with them. When Arnold was there they calmed down and receeded and she found balance.

She heard him coming up the stairs, and closed the lid on her laptop shutting off her music as well. She spun in her chair to face the door as it opened. He stepped inside carrying a small wooden tray. On the tray was a glass of orange juice, a bowl of fruit, blueberry pancakes with whip cream, and a piece of toast.

"I brought you breakfast." He said setting the tray down on the desk.

"I thought you weren't coming back." She said.

"I thought I'd stay until you find a replacement." He said.

"How generous of you." She said with a sick, sweet smile.

"Yeah, I'm a real stand up guy." He said with a biting tone.

She smiled sliding down in her chair to hook her foot on the back of his ankle. He swallowed past the lump in his throat but didn't move. She slowly trailed her foot up his leg.

"What are you doing?" He asked. She reached over scooping some whip cream off her waffle with one finger and licking it off.

"Nothing, what are you doing?" She asked innocently.

He didn't move, and she laughed. She was crazy he was pretty sure she should be locked away somewhere. She reached out taking more whip cream onto her finger and biting her lip. He took a deep breath begging his body not to give in. She reached out a finger and he was gone. He dropped to his knees taking her hand and slowly licking the whip cream from her finger. She let out a small noise and he grabbed her, tearing her from her chair and spinning around to pin her beneath him on the carpet.

"Why do you do this to me?" He asked her desperately.

"Do what?" She asked.

"Hurt me." He said.

"I wasn't aware I was." She said and he kissed her.

He kissed her like a man dying of thirst and she supplied his water. His fingers linking with hers to trap her hands above her head. She kissed him back just as passionately and he felt like maybe she did love him. He pulled back to pull her shirt over her head and she let him. He kissed across her shoulder licking his way up her neck to her ear.

"Say it...just say it." He begged chewing on her ear and then kissing down her neck.

"No."She said breathlessly and he captured her lips with his again deciding it wasn't important right now.

* * *

He held her close agains him and watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep, almost unrecognizable. He used his right arm for a pillow his left arm wrapped around her waist. Her back pressed against his chest their bodies touching from their toes to their shoulders. He breathed in the soft scent of her hair, and felt the gentle intake of her breathing. Her bare skin was warm and soft against his. He had pulled down a blanket from the love seat to wrap her in and she had promptly fell asleep. She was a good person deep down, he knew she was. He kissed her shoulder and she tossed her head lightly making a soft noise. He laid back down beside her staring at the ceiling and listening to her breathe.

A few minutes later her felt her stir beside him and he brilliant blue eyes fluttered open. She looked up at him with a soft smile. The first genuine smile he'd seen in awhile.

"Hey." He said softly.

"Hey." She said with a smile.

"Go out with me tonight." He said.

"What?" She asked, looking up at him as he shifted up onto one side to stare down at her.

"Have dinner with me tonight. Out somewhere nice." He said.

"I..."She bit her lip and he knew he gaurd was down.

"Please...do this with me."He begged reaching out to trail his hand across her cheek.

"...ok..."She looked nervous but he smiled and kissed her a brief, sweet kiss.

"I'll go get changed. I'll pick you up tonight at 7." He said kissing her again.

"How fancy should I dress?" She asked sitting up.

He stood to pull on his pants, he thought of the many places to eat he had seen in town.

"Really fancy." He said with a smile. He pulled on his shirt giving her one last glance. The sunlight slid through the curtains and gave her a glow of sweet innocence. Her hair tumbled freely around her, and her pale porcelin skin looked as soft as silk. She smiled at him as he left.

As soon as he was gone she collapsed back onto the floor with a sigh of contentment. It was so easy to be happy, and relaxed in the aftermath. Right now she felt warm, and at peace, but it wouldn't last long before her own self doubts, and insecurities rose up to poke and prod her.

She sat up and made her way wrapped in the blanket to her bedroom where she crawled into the bed the blanket still wrapped around her. She sank onto the mattress and fell asleep.

* * *

When Arnold arrived that night at the house he opened the door and stepped inside to find the house was dark.

"Helga?" He called.

"I'm coming." She called from upstairs and he moved to the bottom of the steps to wait.

When she stepped onto the top landing his breath caught. Her hair was down in a mass of curls that were restless and tousled. Her dress was gold sequin it was dangerously low in the front and spaghetti strapped. It was tight till it reached her hips where is flared just slightly the slice up the side reaching mid thigh.

"You're breathtaking." He said suddenly, and she blushed.

She stepped onto the bottom of the stairs and he reached out for her hand. She took his hand and he could feel her shaking slightly. She was terrified.

"It's going to be okay." He said kissing the back of her hand.

"I know." She said.

They got in the car and he drove them to a small italian restaurant a little ways outside of town. They were seated at a small intimate table, but he saw how nervous she was. She could barely sit still and her eyes darted around like a caged animal.

"Helga, calm down." He said gently.

"They are staring at me." She said.

"That's because you're beautiful." He said and she took a deep breath.

"No, I'm not." She said and he realized just how low her self esteem really was.

"Let's dance." He said suddenly.

"What?" She asked.

"Dance with me." He said standing offering her his hand, she took it and he led her onto the dance floor where a few couples were already dancing to the slow music.

"It's been years since I danced." She admitted as he pulled her closer.

"Me too. It's been even longer since we danced together." He said.

"Last time we danced you pushed me in a pool."She said.

"I'm sorry about that." He said honestly.

"I deserved it." She said.

"Helga why did you give me this job?" He asked suddenly and she pulled back slightly to look at him.

"You know why." She said her eyes screaming it at him.

"I'd like you to say it." He said.

"I can't." She replied.

They finished their dance and ate their meal in silence. As the night progressed she seemed to relax and he began to realize how much she had been put down as a child. He supposed that was where the shyness about leaving her house stemmed from. They were walking to the car when he voiced the question that had been on his mind all night.

"Spend the night with me." He asked and she froze.

"What?" She asked turning to look at him.

"Spend the night with me. Come to the hotel with me, let me touch you, let me hold you while you sleep, let me be there when you wake up." He said.

"Arnold...I..."She was about to speak when they were interrupted.

"ARNOLD! HELGA!" Olivia beamed as she caught them both for a hug.

"Olivia...hi." Helga said in a broken voice.

"Fancy meeting you guys here. I love that dress." Olivia beamed and Helga winced.

"Thanks." Helga didn't say anything else so Olivia turned to Arnold.

"How have you been?" She asked with a smile.

"I've been okay." He said nervuosly.

"I've been waiting for you to call me you never did." Olivia said with a frown.

"I'm sorry Olivia...something came up." He said instantly regretting his words when he saw the look on Helga face.

"No matter. I'll call you. Yeah?"She asked with a smile.

"Yeah." He siad and she gave him another hug before heading into the restaurant.

As soon as she was gone he saw the torment on Helgas face. She looked at him then shook her head and started to walk away.

"Helga...don't...don't do this." He begged grabbing her arm.

"Get away from me." She said shaking her head.

"It's not like that. I don't like her I care about you." He said.

"Oh really?" She asked in a biting sarcastic tone.

"Really, just give me a chance." Arnold begged and she stopped walking turning to look at him.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say." She said.

"Too bad, you're going to here it is...I love you...I'm in love with you, you're the love of my life Helga, you're IT for me." He said laying it all down.

"I told you not to fall in love with me." She said softly.

"That's all you can say? Why can't you just say you love me too? Why is it so hard?" He asked.

"I DID!" She yelled.

"When?" He asked.

"EVERY WORD, EVERY LINE IN EVERY DAMN BOOK I EVER WROTE I WAS TELLING YOU!" She screamed and he shook his head.

"That doesn't count tell me too my face, tell me with your voice." He said.

"I did that too...and you were less than interested." She said.

"When?" He asked.

"FTI." She said simply and he felt a knife to his heart, she was right she did tell him, and he had reacted poorly.

"I was young I wasn't ready Helga." He said adn she turned to walk away he rushed to keep up.

"Save your excuses."She said bitterly.

"Helga since I started working for you my every thought was you, you vioce effected my dreams, the look in your eyes controlled my every feeling." He said.

"I've practically thrown myself at your feet, begging you to love me Helga, and you've done nothing." He said pulling out all the cards.

She stopped walking and he thought he got throught to her. She turned to look at him her eyes full of tears and a sad smile she spoke.

"Now you know how it feels." She said softly.

He stood frozen in shock as she turned and walked out of the parking lot down the street. She hailed a cab and he still didn't move. He felt like his heart was breaking and he had been punched in the stomach all at once. As she opened the door and got in the taxi he felt his soul slip away into the darkness with her.

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Arnold drove himself back to his hotel and went inside he collapsed onto the bed staring at the ceiling his thoughts swimming with Helga,

Screaming at him, Kissing him, The feeling of her body against his, the feel of her soft skin, the smell of her. The way she tasted. Running in the woods like a care free child and laughing. Kissing him and running her hands up his chest. The feel of her sleeping beside him. Her voice. It all ran through like a bad movie he couldn't turn off and the last thing was the look on her face when she finally faced him in the parking lot. He did know how it felt now, to be obsessed with someone to not be a person without them and not want to be a person without them. It hurt and for years she'd carried this.

He took a deep breath and decided this misery was well deserved and he hoped that in his misery Helga found some kind of relief.

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**R&R**


	15. Chapter 15

**ATTENTION ALL READERS!: As we near the end of this fiction that has been my absolute favorite one to write *So far* and my most proud work *So far* I would like to invite you all to play a game with me. I saw a thing on youtube that you could ask people questions and they would answer them and I thought how neat that was that someone you liked on youtube answered questions. We know so little about the people who write the fanfictions that we love and obsess over I thought why not have a question challenge. I do NOT have a youtube channel so I propose this. If there is a question you'd like to ask me simply ask it in a review or if you want it to be private message it to me. In the next chapter I post I will answer them ALL at the bottom. You can ask anything you like *with in reason* and I will answer them to the best of my ability. I hope you enjoyed this fiction as much as I have and I look forward to your questions. **

**SONGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Manhatten by Sara Bareillies and Every Car you Chase by Snow Patrol featring the Police. The second song is from the movie "Just go with it". I do NOT own either songs just reccomending them.**

**Chapter 15.**

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Helga stepped out of the taxi at the giant gate since the cab driver refused to go any closer to the house. People and their stupid superstitions. She paid him exactly what she owed not bothering with a tip as she climbed out of the car.

She pushed open the gate and started the long walk up the winding road to her empty house. The woods were dark on either side of the road and even with the stars and full moon the road was hard to see. She was halfway when she stepped into a pothole and fell effectively twisting her ankle and breaking the heel of her shoe.

"Great." She muttered to herself and stood and limped her way to her house.

She stepped into her house and instantly headed for her study. It took her longer than usual to get up the stairs with her twisted ankle. She collapsed onto the small love seat in the study and pulled off both of her heels.

"Stupid gucci." She said tossing the shoes into the nearby trash can.

Her ankle was already beginning to swell and turn red. Tears burned her eyes and bit at the back of her throat she took a deep breath forcing it back. She shievered at the chill in the room. Finally she moved and lit a fire in the fireplace. She sat on the floor staring into the flames, and feeling her soul burn away.

A tear leaked into her eyes and her lip trembled. Closed her eyes against the terible coldness taking over her body. She wrapped her arms around herself with a sob. She was giving up on everything. She didn't know what was worse the pain of losing Arnold or the numbness that begged to take over and never let her feel again. She grabbed the phone from her desk choking on the tears that now streamed heavily down her cheeks.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end sounded sleepy.

"Phoebe..."Helga bent over hugging her midsection with one arm holding the phone with the other.

"Helga? What happened? Do you know what time it is?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know." Helga cried.

"Okay, calme down. What happened?" Phoebe asked.

"I screwed up. I always screw up." Helga said breaking even more.

"Why?" Phoebe asked.

"We went to dinner, and He asked me to stay with him. I wanted too, but someone came to talk to him and I saw...I saw who he could be...without me. I panicked." Helga said.

"What did you do?" Phoebe asked with a sigh.

"I ran." She said.

"It's going to be okay." Phobe said.

"No, it's so empty. The house is so empty without him, I'm empty. The walls, the corners they're closing in on me and there's nobody here to help me anymore." Helga said.

"Take a deep breath. Calm down." Phoebe said.

Helga took a deep breath. Her chest burned, and her throat ached from crying, but she couldn't stop not now. The dam had broken and there was nothing to fix it with.

"He belongs with her. I can see it when I look at them together. She brings out the good in him, the light. They belong together." Helga said.

"He loves you." Phoebe said.

"He doesn't know me Phoebe. Not really. He doesn't know the real me, I've been wearing a mask since preschool and I wore it everytime we were together." Helga said.

"I think you're wrong. I think he might be the only person alive who truly knows the real you Helga." Phoebe said.

"She makes him happy. She's young, and beautiful and everything I'm not. I'm not her..."Helga said.

"Maybe, he doesn't want her." Phoebe said.

"I love him." Helga said.

"I know you do." Phoebe said gently.

"I had to let him go. I had to Phoebe, I can't do this to him. I won't let him live his life like this, not like this. He desereves so much more." Helga said.

"So do you." Phoebe said.

"Only one of us can be happy. I want it to be him." Helga said.

"Helga...why don't you come stay with us for a while?" Phoebe offered.

Helga took deep breath as she sunk down onto the floor completely curling into the fetal position infront of the fire.

"I can't...I can't...It hurts to much." She said.

"Helga...I think you should talk to him. It's way past time." Phoebe said.

"No, it's too late. If you knew the things I said to him." Helga said.

"It can't be that bad." Phoebe said.

"It was." Helga said.

"I'm so sorry." Phoebe said.

"Why am I such a coward Phoebe?" Helga asked.

"You're not. You toughened up and you let go of the only thing in this world that you loved. You let it go. That is not cowardly." Phoebe said.

"I'm so broken." Helga said with a sob.

For awhile Phoebe didn't say anthing she just sat silently on the other end of the line whiel Helga cried. It helped more than any advice would have at this point. Finally, Helga gathered herself enough to realize she had been on the phone for half an hour.

"I better let you go." She said.

"Helga, it's going to be okay. I promise." Phoebe said.

"Thanks Phoebe." Helga said.

"Anytime." There was a soft click as Phoebe ended the connection.

She lay there on the floor feeling the warmth from the fireplace until finally, stiff and exausted she pushed herself to her feet. Her ankle screamed in protest as she moved down the hall to her room. She stepped out of her dress and underwear before crawling into her bed too tired to put on pajamas.

She hoped she could just stay in bed for the rest of her life. She was done participating in a world determined to break her. All she wanted now was to spend the rest of her days in her bed, alone until finally she didn't have to press on anymore and she would be free.

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Read and Review and send in questions. Sorry this was short, but I like it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Songs for this chapter 1. Where she told me to go by Chris Young and Say Something by Great big world. Don't own them just recomend them. **

**This is your LAST chance to ask me any questions. Just send me any question you like as a review or PM and I will answer them in the next chapter. Since the next chapter is also the final one this is you last chance to ask any. The questions that I recieved will be answered at the end of this chapter. Thank you. **

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Arnold paced around his hotel room. He needed her, he couldn't breathe without her the walls were closing in and he was going to drown. He was a ghost split down the middle walking through walls without thought or feeling. He needed her, maybe that was the point all this time he thought she needed him and in reality he needed her even more.

He turned to the wall closest to him pulled back a fist and punched the wall crushing the drywall and letting a fist print. His knuckles cracked and he winced as they started to bleed. He wouldn't call though, he wouldn't go up there to her house, He couldn't.

He moved across the room and grabbed a towled from the shower rack wrapping his knuckles tightly to stop the bleeding. His hand throbbed and he was more miserable than before, plus he was going to have to pay for that wall. He was laying on his bed burning from the inside out with repressed anger when there was a timid knock on the door. He moved to answer it and found Olivia on the other side.

"I heard you were staying here. I wondered if you wanted dinner?" She asked with a smile she held up the platic bag of chinese food.

"Sure." He motioned her inside.

"What happened?" She asked dropping the bags to grab his hand.

"It's nothing, an accident." He said softly.

"Was that an accident too?" She asked pointing at the wall as he shut the door.

"I'm going through something." He said sheepishly.

"Yeah a wall it looks like." She teased as she sat the food on the small desk in the corner she dug out the cardboard boxes of food.

"Thanks for the food." He said snatching a box.

"You're welcome." She smiled and he winced.

He hadn't meant to lead her on. Not reall, he did like her but the blatant truth was she would never be the woman he was in love with. It wasn't her fault, but there it was. It was easier to pretend to love someone you didn't, than to be without someone you did. She was a second place trophy and he felt guilty for letting her believe she was first.

"I've been thinking about you a lot since our date." Olivia said softly.

"Yeah, I've been thinking to." He said sitting down on the edge of the bed and poking at the food in the box with his plastic fork.

"I had a really nice time." She said moving to sit beside him and he tensed.

"Yeah...Olivia listen." He took a deep breath and turned to face her.

She kissed him her lips sealing over his before he had time to move or react. He didn't kiss her back, he didn't move his arms to pull her closer. he didn't feel that deep burn in his veins like he did with Helga. Olivia pulled back and winced.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"It's alright." He said softly.

"I...I thought you were interested." She said shaking her head.

"Olivia you are exactly the kind of girl I always thought I'd marry. Quiet, red hair, smart, sweet, patient, and level headed." He said.

"But?" She asked.

"But, you're not the one I'm in love with." He said with a sigh.

"It's Helga...isn't it?" She asked.

"Is it that obvious?" He asked.

"The way you look at her. I'd search my entire life to find one guy that looks at me the way you do her." She said.

"I'm sorry Olivia." He said gently and she shrugged.

"Don't be sorry for me. I kind of knew that night of our date that you and her were something incredible, but I thought maybe I was wrong." She said honestly.

"It's complicated." He said.

"It usually is. That's life." She said.

"No, she's infuriating." He said with a laugh.

"But you love her." Olivia said.

"I love her. Whatever her flasw, her faults. She is the only real and constant thing in my life." He said.

"Why don't you go to her then? tell her how you feel." Olivia said.

"I can't. I already did and she closed off, if I push her now she'll push me away. My only option now is wait for her to realize that I mean it, and she's worth it." He said.

"You just look so miserable." She commented.

"I am, but I can't say it's not desereved. I made her life a living hell everyday of our childhood, and now I'm living in the one I built for her." He said.

"Whatever happened, whatever you did I'm sure she understands." Olivia said.

"I know she does. I also, understand she needs to come to me." He said.

"What if she doesn't?"She asked.

"It doesn't matter now. I'm in too far, too deep. She's drowning me now, and all I can do is hope she comes to me." He said.

"I hope she does." Olivia said gripping his hand.

Olivia left a few minutes later and he climbed into his bed. He couldn't sleep, hadn't since he left the house not a single minute. It felt like ages since he'd slept and he still couldn't sleep now. Finally breaking he grabbed the phone and dialed the number. He got her voice mail and hestitated before letting a message.

"If you don't want me that's fine. I understand now how you felt all those years ago the agony alone should have killed you Helga. You're so much stronger than I am. If you don't want me that's fine, but I want you. I was struck by lightening Helga and you're burned into my mind, my heart, my skin. After all of the rain, and storms I'm still here and I love you, I'll always love you. If you want me, if you need something whatever it is I'll be here." He said softly.

He hung up and stayed awake for three more hours, but she didn't return his call and he finally fell into a restless sleep haunted by nightmares. Helga was drowning and he tried to save her only to fall in and when all seemed lost Helga made it to shore. Now, he was dorwning and Helga was watching.

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_**READ AND REVIEW AND SEND QUESTIONS!**_

**QUESTION TIME! I had so much fun doing these I hope to get a few more to answer in the last chapter which is next.**

**Question 1: **Poor Helga, does she have a kind of medically defined depression as well as her misery over Arnold, or is it all heartbreak?

**ANSWER: I think that one point I would like to make is that rather medically or heartbreak depression is depression. Honestly, I'd say it's heartbreak loving someone for a long periods of time can cause damage that isn't treatable and when you're heart turns in that direction of misery there's no stopping it. If you notice in the show her mother seems to suffer from some form of depression and from that I think Helga would also learn that shutting down was a way to cope with things as an adult. I would say it's all heartbreak.**

**Question 2: **when did you start writing? What draws you to it, and what do you think you'll do with it in the future?

**ANSWER: I started writing and reading at a very young age. Reading was always my escape as a child even at the age of four I'd rather had books than toys. I was an early reader and by the time I was six was writing wild stories. Of course then my stories were about teddy bears and the like. What draws me to it is the fact there's no lies in writing, it's pure, it's real and it's the one place where you can always get it out of your head and be cleansed. Honestly, if I couldn't write I might go crazy I don't tend to function well as a human being unless I'm working on a story of some sort. In the future of course the dream is to be a published author, but as of now I'm going to college for writing while doing my short stories and fanfictions for pleasure. I'd like to write books, but anything writing I should be happy I would even like to try coutroom reporting at some point in my life.**

**Question 3: **my question is why so short?

**ANSWER: I'm not sure if you mean chapter 15 or the whole story. I would have the same answer I hate stories that ramble on and on for a ridiculous amout of chapters. If you know where you want a story to go get it there, but don't lag on and on. Sometimes shorter has more impact.**

**Question 4: **what gave you the inspiration to write this fic?

**ANSWER: I'm a writer, and I felt compelled to travel down the darker side of writing. Maybe, Helga made it as a writer but her fame came at the cost of selling her secrets in a book. Her entire life was exposed and now she feels exposed too. I found it odd that this wasn't an option that had been explored yet, of course I wanted Arnold to be in it, and trapping him in a house where he could see the damage he inflicted on her as a child without realizing seemed like a good road to take. The inspiration behind it was that as a writer I can relate to some of the struggles you give a piece of yourself with every line, and I wanted to express the way that seems to strip and bare your soul. I've always been drawn to the darker side of any story. Not that I don't love a good fluff piece, I've even wrote a few, but it's that dark side I like to write, because it's inspiring in itself. **

**Question 5: **I want to know if you are drawing this from personal experience? Because everything seems so thought out and real. Not some made up drama. Please update when you can.

**ANSWER: In a sense I believe everything that is well written was drawn from some form of personal experience. It may not be directly the same, but a feeling is a feeling. If you've ever cried over someone who didn't love you then you know what that pain is like you know that feeling of being raw inside. It hurt and it was a personal experience, does it have to be a man that you had a crush on? No. It can be a good friend who betrayed your trust, a person that you loved as a sibling that turned their back on you, or even a lover that you couldn't be with. An experience doesn't have to be limited to that direct of an option. I've been hurt by people I love so, I can write what that feels like, I've been scared to let myself go so I know that fear. Any emotion I write about in some form I have felt. If you've never felt the emotion I don't think you should write about it. If I cry when I'm hurting I immediately sit down and right, I cry while I write it and I put it out of me, That is how I make it real to the reader. If I don't feel it, I don't expect you too. My heart skips a beat when I write their first kiss, I want yours to too, I cry when I make them fight, I want you to be one the brink of emotions. It's not made up at all the storyline and characters are, but never the feelings in them. If I'm feeling it, I write it simple as that. Writing is the only area of my life that I do not hold back on and I feel like that makes it real. Personal experience yes, it's very personal. I've loved the wrong people, I've loved people who didn't love me, and I've loved people who fear kept me from and people who have died. I write for all of them, I say it all to them in my stories however directly or indirectly.**

**Question 6: **I would love for you to do a song FIC of anold an helg on this song I love an riminds me so much about them it's called " HD dubstep - earthquake (Flytch remix)

**ANSWER: I've never actually had a request to write a certain thing before. I will write your songfic as soon as I finish this one and before my next installment which is thought out already. I've never heard the song and it's not a genre I listen to, but I will do it to the best of my ability and you will see it as soon as this one is finished.**

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**Thanks for the questions, if anyone has anymore send them in. **


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